This is a tool...not a fix

Often times I heard while doing my research about my weight loss surgery that this surgery is a tool not the fix. Prior to scheduling one's surgery, a patient has to checkoff a list of appointments and procedures, such as meeting with a nutritionist, attending a support group and seeing a psychologist. When I saw the psychologist I shared my fears that this surgery may fix my inside plumbing but doesn't mean it will fix me mentally and my struggle with food.

Having a smaller stomach is the tool. The stomach is made smaller in order to help you with your weight and to help you lose the weight.You still need to motivate yourself to get moving and you need to make wise food choices. So why am I talking about this?

For me food was my drug of choice. I was/am an emotional eater. Prior to the surgery I struggled with mindless eating. Since the surgery, I find that if I participate in mindless eating, eating too fast or too much, I pay the price, and I get sick. So I have to work on being present when I eat now. I can't just eat because the food is there or I will pay the price.

The other problem I had (still have) was eating, mindlessly, when I was tired. I would find myself eating to give myself energy or because I was too tired to think about what I was eating. This still happens. I have been traveling for work for the last 10 days and between very early morning travels, events, meetings, and just not being home I am confusing my energy level with my hunger level. As I am recording my food intake (using my fitness pal app) I am eating more than I actually need to. I have to remember that the surgery was just a tool but I still have to work hard to have the successes. If I don't take care of myself, I could go backwards and I don't want to do that!

Traveling and work can not be an excuse...I need to put myself first and I am important! Since I didn't have to be up early this morning for an event or meetings (planned event later this afternoon) I went to bed earlylast night (very tired) and didn't set my alarm. I was able to get 8 hours of sleep....heaven!! I hope it helps today but either way I have to be stronger!

I will always be working at this, finding out just how strong I am, and I will see success. I still would like to lose 10 more pounds and I need to work on it every day! I never said this was easy, this surgery was a tool...and I will use it wisely!

#NewJourney

Vacation and other updates

On Thursday morning I left Syracuse, NY and flew to  Naples, Florida for a brief but much needed vacation. I have been staying with one of my best friends in Naples, catching up with her and her family and warming up. The weather has been great and the trip has been very relaxing.

I have run outside without having to put on layers and layers of clothes. In fact on Sunday during a morning run I experienced something I haven't in several months, the feeling of sweat actually dripping off my body (I am not complaining). I did an open water swim workout in the ocean on Saturday. I love swimming in open water vs a pool but fighting the waves adds a whole other dimension. I have had a wonderful time and right now I am sitting by the pool enjoying the sunshine before I have to board a plane later this afternoon to head back.

Part of the excitement of this trip, besides warming up and spending time with dear friends, was buying new clothes to pack and also fitting into some that haven't fit for years. Prior to having the weightloss surgery I had done countless races and received the much anticipated gear. Often that gear sat in the back of the closet because the shirts that I received never fit right...mostly they were too tight. As I was packing for this trip I thought to myself what am I going to bring with me to wear when I run? I decided to look in the back of my closet in a bin of clothes and I found the four running shirts pictured above. I tried them on before I left and they fit perfectly. I was so excited to pack these much deserved race gifts and wear them as I ran around my friend's neighborhood.

Of course with every vacation you are always taking pictures. You need to capture every moment and share it with the world. And of course I did exactly that. However, as I was doing that I was comparing these pictures with ones that were taken 16 months ago in Florida and others that were taken just 365 days ago. This journey has not been easy, it is a work in progress every day. It has been trial and error every day since the surgery and it still is. Some days it is me against myself...the emotional eater against an individual who wants to be a success. This battle is never over and the surgery was a tool to help me get to my success not the answer. However, seeing these pictures gives me the answers that I need...I am on the right track and my hard work is paying off!!

365 days ago...just over 8 months post surgery

16 months apart both in Naples...just over 8 months post surgery

FINALLY!!

In September of 2005 I was training for my first marathon that was scheduled for October. Part of my training included signing up and completing my first half marathon. I ran the ARC Half Marathon in Liverpool, NY and finished in 2:51. For some that is a slow time but for me that record was held for over 11 years. As I continued to run half marathons I could never beat that time until today!

Today I stood on the start line of the Syracuse Half Marathon, my eleventh half marathon, ready to attack the course. I was nervous to start, not wanting to fail, but oh I couldn't wait for the gun to go off. Prior to leaving my house I wrote the finish time of that first half marathon on my arm. By the time I crossed the finish line, I looked at my arm and the numbers were gone. The sweat had washed them away and I had a new PR!! I completed today's half marathon in 2:34:26...my new fastest time! I covered the 13.1 mile course in negative splits and as I looked at my arm tears filled my eyes. As many of you know, finish lines make me cry, but today was special. I have worked very hard over the last few months to beat that 2:51 time and today I earned my medal!

Earlier in the week they were not calling for the best of weather. Not the worst that this race has seen but not the best. Thank God things changed, the rain stopped and the temperature stayed in the mid 30s. It was a great day for a run! I ran the entire course today and I never felt tired. I will admit that areas of my body became sore throughout the run like my hip and ankle but I never felt tired. The only time I stopped on the course was at water stop 11 because I had to hug and thank my friends who were working! Hugs are needed sometimes and seeing them was just what I needed to finish that race strong. Since I don't live in Syracuse anymore, it is great to come to races and catch up with so many friends! It's icing on top of the cake!!

One of the best things about crossing the finish line of a race is knowing that there is chocolate milk waiting for you and Byrne Dairy chocolate milk is my favorite! I shared with my friends today as I was enjoying my chocolate milk, that you know you are a faster runner when there is still chocolate milk left in the hospitality area when you finish. For so many years, when I would be the last or one of the last runners on the course, often the chocolate milk would be gone! I started to pack my own and leave it in a cooler in my car to enjoy. However, now that this body can move a little bit faster...I get to reap the benefits and enjoy my chocolate milk at the finish line!! It's the little things in life!

I want to take this opportunity to thank my friends for your support and encouragement today and every day! It was so good to see so many of you before, during and after the race! I miss my Syracuse Running/Triathlon community and it's nice to be with you when I can! You all inspire me to continue to do what I love...Swim, Bike & Run!!

Race Splits:
5K: 12:02/mile
10K: 11:56/mile
15K: 11:50/mile
finish: 11:47/mile

Endurance Training is 90% Mental

Today's weather was 100% better than last weekend...thank God! After hitting the wall last week and letting my negative thoughts take over my workout, my coach put the 14 miles back on my schedule. There was no going around it I had to face it.

After I blogged about my rough attempt at getting 14 miles in last weekend, my friend "The Bear" (we affectionately call her, and just in case she doesn't want her name mentioned in my blog I will call her "The Bear") reminded me that endurance training is 90% mental. That as much as we are training the body we also have to train our mind. She told me that, I didn't quit, I got 30 minutes of running in and then I got on my bike...all that counts! She told me to pick myself up and try again!!

When I shared my attempt with my coach last week she told me that the first thing I had to do was to stop beating myself up about it. She said unfortunately shit happens and yes, I would learn something from this. She said that sometimes workouts hang over our head and for whatever reason we have ourselves beat before we even get out the door. She reminded me that I am not alone, that this happens to everyone. She advised me to put it behind me and move forward...and that is exactly what I did.

I decided not to focus on the long run at the end of the week, but instead took each day one at a time. Between the temperature and #Stella (blizzard) making an appearance it did make some workouts hard, but I got them done. Slowly I started knocking each workout off the schedule. One day at a time, one step at a time or one spin of the bike wheel at a time. Slowly, Sunday, long run day, was approaching.

This morning it was in the low 30s, there was no chance of precipitation and partly cloudy...what could go wrong? Absolutely nothing. I have said it before and I will say it again...the hardest thing about running is  getting out the door. Today was no different but I  finally got out there and completed the 14 miles today. I will admit that it wasn't easy and the last 2 miles were pure hell but I did it. I got over that hump.

Next week is the Syracuse Half Marathon. I think I am ready! That 13.1 mile run will be very important. However I will face it similar to other training days; I will try to put myself in the right mindset, I will push myself out the door, and I will take it one step at a time.

PS: this was my longest run since 2005. The last time I ran 14 miles I was training for my first marathon with Team In Training!

Sometimes you are your own worst enemy...

Has this ever happened to you that you get so inside your head and your own thoughts that you end up sabotaging yourself? Well it happened to me and I am so mad for letting it happen. On my schedule for this weekend's long run was 14 miles. I started to think about where would I run this distance. Which course would be comfortable or which would be a challenge. I would say yes to some and no to others but then talk of weather and temperatures started to be discussed. Two weeks ago I ran 12 miles and did just fine. It was a cold morning and was snowing but I went out and completed the training without any problems. I don't know what was going on this week.

I started to get nervous every time I thought about having to run the 14 miles. I had done it before so I knew it could be done but it had been quite some time since I ran that far. And every day the weather conditions got worse and worse. I decided to exchange training days and hold off on running it until this morning (Monday, March 13). I had today off from work so I would have plenty of time to run plus the temperature and weather conditions were supposed to be better than Sunday.

I got up, bundled up and headed out for my run. As soon as I took the first step the negative thoughts started. I wasn't going to be able to make it; it was cold...oh damn I have to go to the bathroom now. My legs weren't tired, I wasn't sore but my worse enemy, my own thoughts defeated me!!These thoughts gave me absolutely no encouragement and made me feel exhausted...and the worst part I gave it. I completed 30 minutes and that was it...

Can I learn anything from this? Is the quote above true? Even though this run made me feel defeated, do I feel stronger? Will I feel stronger? Will this anger and agony of defeat fuel me to have a better longer runner next weekend? What happened??

All I know is that I will lace up the sneakers again...

(PS: I did go home and got on my bike trainer for 45 minutes)

You Win Some and You Lose Some

Compression Socks

So at the end of 2016 I started to follow a group on Twitter called @TheRunChat. This group hosts twitter chats on Sunday evenings and so many runners join it from all over the country and Canada! I have really enjoyed these chats and actually look forward to them each week. Every week @TheRunChat asks a series of questions about running, training, races, etc. And as a result of being a part of this group I have started to follow so many other runners of various backgrounds and running levels. In the new year @TheRunChat has also had sponsors as part of the chats and sometimes they are the ones asking the questions. A perk of having these sponsors join the chats they have at times offered opportunities to win their products.

 A few weeks ago ProCompression was a sponsor and they offered a raffle for anyone on the chat to enter and you could win a pair of socks. I decided to take a chance and what do you know...I won a pair of compression socks. I was so excited because I was able to go online and pick the pair I wanted...yes, I picked this color!! I love them!!

Just this past week the sponsor was a half marathon in Nevada. Laughlin, Nevada to be exact. Their questions were focused on our race experiences. What do we like at a race? What do we look for when choosing a race location? What perks do runners like to receive? Well prior to the chat the race and @TheRunChat offered their followers an opportunity to put their name into a drawing to win a race entry. I thought to myself why not, I could knock Nevada off my list! Well at the end of the chat my name was revealed as one of three winners who won a race entry!! I was so excited! Laughlin is 90 minutes south of Vegas, on the Colorado River. It borders Arizona. The race course crosses state lines and time zone and takes place on December 2nd. It's the little things in life that excite me!!

And on March 2, 2017 I lost 100 pounds from my heaviest weight! Some days you lose some. This whole journey started over 2.5 years ago when the scale in my bathroom hit the all time highest I have ever seen it. At that point in my life I was dealing with high blood pressure, and even though I was working out I wasn't enjoying it. I was at a new job where I was commuting almost 3 hours round trip and I knew I had to do something. I started My Fitness Pal and started to lose weight on my own. I had lost over 25 pounds and you know the rest of the story...after losing 25 lbs and exercising I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, cuz life wasn't interesting enough. The next 17 months was a complete struggle until I made the decision of a lifetime...bariatric weightloss surgery. And as a result of all of that I hit the 100 pound mark. This surgery wasn't the magic final answer, it was a tool I needed to help me on my journey.  And if you were wondering, this journey isn't over, there is still work to be done and there will always be work to do!

Continuing the journey

The Highs and Lows

Heading to the start line

With every workout and every race there are the highs and the lows. And every step you learn more about yourself and every step makes you stronger. Last week I had a scheduled run on my calendar, 50 minutes of running. I woke up with absolutely no desire to even get out of bed never mind actually run for 50 minutes. I had to actually force myself out the door and make a deal in order to just start running. I told myself that if I at least started running, after one loop if it wasn't in me I could quick. Next thing I know I actually completed the run and covered 4.2 miles. That was a high for me...I felt like I could take on anything that day.

Could the highs get any higher? Well the running highs could but the temperature was going to drop. On Saturday, March 4th I had signed up to run the Tipp Hill Shamrock Run in Syracuse, NY. I love this run. It is always a lot of fun and a very popular. It is a four mile course filled with hills and they are not easy but you can always find a friend on the course to get you over them.As the day approached the temperatures started to fall. At one point they were predicting a only a high of 10 degrees...this was not going to be fun.

Saturday came and there was snow and the temperature in the morning was all of 12 degrees but felt like -2 with the windchill. I bundled up and headed to the start line. I think the anticipation of the cold was worse than the cold itself but when the wind hit your face it hurt. The gun went off, the crowd started to move and before I knew it I was warmed up. I covered the four miles and as soon as I started I was already crossing the finish line in 42:53. This was the sixth time I completed this course and this year I PR'd it by 7 minutes...this was a definite high! I put it all out on that course and I walked away with a PR.

Of course what goes up must come down. As much as races and workouts can build you up they can humble you just as quickly. On Sunday, March 6th I was scheduled to run 6 miles. I had to travel for work and decided that I would wait and run when I arrived in Philadelphia. I started off the run and realized it would be a struggle. My legs were shot. I mapped out a course that would be two three mile loops. It took all I had to finish 3.5 miles. Some days you body just tells you it can't move, it's tired. I wasn't proud of this moment especially after I had such a successful day on Saturday.

This sport will raise you up and the next day it will humble you and bring you back down. This sport can challenge you and can make you stronger both mentally and physically. You have to struggle and dig down deep through the tough workouts in order to reap the benefits of the PRs.

Every mile earned, never given - unknown