Struggling...

It has been over 8 weeks since my bariatric surgery (RNY) and I can, with 100% certainty, say that this is not easy and I don't know everything. Especially after the last 32 hours! Three months ago if I was traveling for work and I was taking an alumnus/alumna out to lunch or dinner I wouldn't even think twice. I would order something that sounded yummy on the menu and probably eat the whole thing.

Since the surgery it isn't that easy. In fact it causes me a bit of anxiety. Will I order the wrong thing? Will it disagree with me? Will I eat too much? Within the last 32 hours I have struggled with where I should eat, what I should order and how much I should eat? I probably should admit I haven't made the best choices.

Granted I can look back at every meal and know that I barely ate anything (for a normal person). For example I went to dinner on Friday evening and when the waiter finally took my plate away (after 40 minutes...yes I time myself) most people would probably say, did you even touch the meal? However, I left the restaurant feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. I ate one too many bites. Of course right away I started to beat myself up. Why did I do that? Why didn't I just listen to my body? However, a few months ago I would probably have eaten the entire meal and I didn't do that, not even half. I am not making excuses just trying to make myself feel better.

When I am home I weigh and measure everything I eat. I plan every meal so being on the road, not always knowing how things are made or how much will be served can be difficult. Yes, I pack protein bars and other snacks to have on hand. I have also shopped at grocery stores in different cities to pick up some meals but I am sure not our alumni wouldn't be into going to the deli counter at Ralph's in LA!?!? But maybe they are?!?

I need to figure this out because I can't ask every alumnus/alumna out for coffee/tea...I would be supper high on caffeine!

I know this post is probably all over the place but that is how I feel right now. A good friend of mine, who is a fantastic writer, once shared that sometimes you just have to put thoughts down on paper and not worry about making sense!

PS: For those who don't know me, I work in the field of alumni relations in higher education and I travel a lot!

On a new journey!

Another Quick Update...

I am almost at 8 weeks post surgery and every little measurement or accomplishment keeps me going. When I was in college the school that I attended had so many traditions. One was a class ring that everyone ordered. Or I am going to assume that everyone ordered because I know of no one who didn't order one. We ordered the rings at the end of our sophomore year and they were delivered during our Junior year. Part of the tradition is the school holds a ring ceremony and being a Catholic School the rings were blessed during this ceremony.

I never ordered a high school ring, because I always thought they were ugly but I was very proud of my college ring. I wore it for years post graduation. However, within the last 10 years I haven't worn the ring because it didn't fit any more. The day before the surgery I took the ring out of a drawer but left it in it's box. Just this last week I decided to try it on ...It fit!!

A new journey!!

My College Ring!

It FITS!!!

Quick Update

Race Number and Race Shirt

On Sunday, September 11th I ran in the GySgt Thomas J Sullivan 5K Remembrance Run. This run was organized to honor the memory of a soldier who was killed in Chattanooga a year ago. Tommy Sullivan grew up in the same neighborhood as I did and I saw this race as an opportunity to respect his memory and also do my first race post surgery. I was so happy with my time and how I felt on the course. I completed the race in 38:55 (according to my watch). According to the race (gun time) had me completing the race doing a 12:37/mile. I was so excited when I saw that! I have other races scheduled in the near future so I am excited to see what my future holds for me and my finish times.

The second quick up date I want to share is this morning I flew from Syracuse, NY to LA. For the last few years every time I boarded a plane I would say a little prayer, begging God that the seat belt would fit. Twice in the past I have had to ask for an extension...which was embarrassing. Some people may think that twice isn't that many times but for me it was too many. I learned to ask for the extension as soon as I boarded that way no one would know I needed one. Well today I got on the plane, went to my seat and buckled myself in for the ride. Not only did I fasten the seat belt but I was able to pull it tight!!

Some times the little things mean so much!!

New Journey!

Updates: 6 weeks tomorrow

Just completed 5 miles

This past week has been a busy one personally and professionally. As of tomorrow I am 6 weeks post surgery and even though I feel great and have had few problems I can say that it hasn't been easy. Prior to my decision to have this surgery I went to the bariatric support group to meet with other patients. I remember during that meeting a woman looked at me and said "there is nothing easy about this surgery". Well I can say without a doubt that this is true.

Every day I have to think about the amount of protein I eat. I have to think about not eating too fast or too much at one time. I can't drink anything while I eat due to the space in my stomach. I have to read every label and make sure there isn't any added sugar. Finally I am also limited on what items I can take in and not knowing how something is cooked makes a huge difference. I am not complaining because I am willing to do all of this in order to achieve success. However, I have to think about these things prior to going out with friends, going to the Great NY State Fair or traveling for work.

I have to admit I have not gone out for dinner or lunch. And I have not ordered out since the surgery. This past week was a first. I was traveling for work and I have to admit I was nervous. It was a quick trip down and back to NYC but what could I bring with me? Where could I eat? I had plans to meet two alumni for lunch so I had to plan what I could order. I checked out the menu online prior to arriving at the restaurant. You see if I order the wrong thing it can cause some serious problems. So I went with the gnocchi with a basic red sauce. Gnocchi is a very soft potato pasta which is allowed so far on my diet. Of course when my plate came I didn't even get through half of it but all was good and I made a great choice.

The pasta was a positive choice but earlier in that morning I made a cup of tea. When I usually make a cup of tea I add equal and skim milk. I drink tea like other people drink coffee so the fact that I am still able to drink my tea post surgery is a wonderful thing. So Wednesday morning on my way to NYC I was on the Cornell bus that travels from Ithaca to NYC daily. It is a relaxing way to get into the city. Someone else drives, there is free wifi, and free snacks and drinks. Around 8 am that morning I started to eat my breakfast and decided to have a cup of tea too. I forgot that on the bus they do not have equal or skim milk but I thought to myself how much trouble would a little bit of sugar and some half n half cause? Well I learned the hard way and I couldn't even believe how fast of a reaction my body had to these illegal substances! I didn't even finish the cup, I had probably two sips (it was hot). Well what happened next was not fun. I had indigestion, pain in my chest that felt like a heart attack, nausea and finally I was running to the bathroom (on a bus ) to get sick. Yes this is what was described would happen. They call it "dumping" (I am sorry for the word it doesn't even sound fun) and every bariatric patient I have talked with has gone through it, so there was my initiation! And I hope I never go through it again!

Once I returned from NYC I had plans to go to the GREAT NEW YORK STATE FAIR!! It is my annual trip and I will admit I love going! I was never the person who went to eat their way through the fair, in fact "fair day" was always my best diet day. However, prior to the surgery I looked forward to drinking some chocolate milk, having some Saranac root beer and if I wanted something else I knew I could get a sandwich or a burger without any problems. On this trip it was different, I couldn't have any chocolate milk or root beer. The one item I could still have was the $1 baked potato. I looked forward to it and I was very happy when I finally got through the line and picked up my baked potato. I think I was also the only person at the fair who packed her own food. I had to be prepared. With or without the food, I always enjoy the fair. It is a great place to walk around and the best place to people watch. Also where else can you see cows, pigs and goats!

So this week I also had some non-scale achievements. While at the fair I saw a booth that was selling running/workout clothes. So I stopped by. They had running tights for $19, I couldn't believe it. So I started talking with the guy working the booth and he told me that if I bought the tights I could get a top for $10! So I thought what's the harm in trying them on. Well this was a first both the top and bottoms fit and weren't tight. I was actually able to purchase normal people clothes. Of course the sales guy was very concerned that I had to have a matching top. I laughed and said well that would be a first because I never match when I run. I would put things on that fit. Now I have a matching outfit!!

The second non-scale achievement happened during the week. I had purchased some clothes at Kohl's with a coupon I had received. I was excited to purchase several items that were all in smaller sizes. Before I went to the check out I picked up two shirts that were on sale but I didn't try them on. When I got home one fit but the second one was too big. So today I had to return to the store and exchange for a SMALLER size! And finally tonight I went to the weekly support group of bariatric patients. I walked in a few minutes passed 6 and everyone stopped talking and looked at me. They were filled with congratulations and told me how wonderful I looked. I hadn't seen the group in about three weeks. It's nice for others to notice because sometimes its hard for me to see it every day.

Tomorrow is another day and I am excited to face each new one!!

Dinner, digital numbers and shopping

It has been just over a month since my surgery and even though I have been adding certain food items back into my diet there are so many I haven't tried. There are even food items I haven't had the desire to try and others that I am afraid to try. However, that is all for another post. I will say that I have been wanting to add more flavors to what I have been eating. Can I add spices, will my body react negatively to what I add? So tonight I tried something. I made an individual lasagna without the noodles! Yes, you read that correctly I made a meat lasagna without the pasta! I had all the ingredients; sauce, turkey meatballs, ricotta cheese and mozzarella cheese. I took a small baking dish for one and put some sauce on the bottom. I then added some ricotta cheese. In order not to use too much ricotta cheese, I mixed it with fat free cottage cheese, garlic salt, and oregano. I then added the turkey meatballs (2 oz total) which I cut up to create the third layer. Then it was more sauce, the ricotta cheese mixture and finally I sprinkled some mozzarella cheese. I baked this for 20 minutes and it was FABULOUS!!!

It was just the flavor I needed without a lot of calories. I measured everything:
Less than 1/4 cup of sauce
1/4 cup of ricotta cheese mixture
2 oz of turkey meatballs
1 tablespoon of mozzarella cheese

I really enjoyed my dinner tonight and I finished it off with dessert ... 1/2 cup of watermelon

In order to make this all work I have to weigh and measure all my food. I can not eyeball anything. For me this is the only way I can stay in control. Even though my stomach is smaller doesn't mean that my relationship with food is cured. This is something I need to work on every day!!

The other thing I have to work on every day is my relationship with the digital box or what is normally called the scale. Every time those digital numbers show up on the box and stare back they have a power over me. I have hid my scale for now. I am trying, very hard, only to weigh myself once a month. I need to focus on other things other than the numbers on the scale. This new journey is about more than just the numbers on the scale. One day at a time but for now the digital box has been hidden! September 20th should be my next  weigh in date!

So speaking of focusing on other things other than the numbers on the scale ... I went shopping this weekend. I had a coupon for Kohl's so I thought I should pick up a few things. I ended up purchasing two pairs of pants; a few shirts and a dress. I went into the store not really knowing what size I was, so I knew I would have to try everything on. After trying on several or should I say a lot of items, I realized that I am down 3 pant sizes and 2 sizes in the tops. This was a big day...and I am hoping I won't be wearing these new clothes for very long!

Always learning something during this new journey!

One month post surgery

Today was my one month post-surgery follow-up with my doctor. During my appointment we discussed my diabetes daily number readings, my high blood pressure and the weight I have lost so far. I shared that my daily numbers have been in normal range and I am not taking any diabetes medication at this time. We then discussed my blood pressure which is low and once again I am off that medication too. After we discussed this, my doctor had a huge smile on his face and said, well wasn't that our goal? I smiled and said yes, that was our first goal, to be medication free. We can now check that off the list! The surgeon laughed and then said the weight-loss is just extra. I am losing about 4.5 pounds per week and I am down a total of 27 pounds since the two week pre-surgery diet started.

We continued the appointment and talked about my food intake, any problems I may be having and also exercising. I shared with him that so far I hadn't had any negative reactions to any food I have tried. Since leaving the hospital I only had the one incident of bad indigestion and other than that I have been pain free. Once we covered that I was excited to tell him about my exercise. With a smile on my face I told him I was back running routinely and I had also been swimming and biking! I shared with him that I had discussed my nutritional intake when exercising with the nutritionist and he thought I was right on track. The doctor's final question for me, "so are you happy with your decision to have the surgery"? I said so far I am very happy!

I have been attending a support group for bariatric surgery patients in the area. The support group is fabulous. In the group there are patients who have had the surgery years ago and some like me who had the surgery weeks ago. Last week the discussion was about how much you share with people about your surgery. When it was my turn to talk I laughed and said I am an open book. I said prior to the surgery I told certain friends and family and based on their positive support it made it easier for me to go through with my decision. Since the surgery I shared with the group that I have been keeping a blog and sharing my news with everyone. Keeping this "journal" helps me but I do hope it does or someday will help others too. Since I am a newbie in the support group I also shared how my recent surgery went and post-surgery had been going. I think I shocked the group when I shared that I was back running 11 days post surgery!! I have to tell you I am very proud of the fact that I got back into my workouts. I have been taking it slow, but it was important to me to get back into my routine!

Since I am one month post surgery I was able to incorporate additional food into my diet. This week I tried whole wheat toast (noticed I said toast and not bread), lowfat wheat thins, and some cheese. I had been eating chicken, eggs and most recently soft meatloaf. I made the meatloaf myself with ground turkey, hamburg, and oatmeal. I am not able to add breadcrumbs so I added oatmeal instead. I have found since having this surgery sometimes it is the little things that make you happy. Adding the toast, wheat thins and cheese made my week. So far there haven't been any negative side affects to adding these food items. Plus wheat thins always make me think of two greats friends ... so that added an extra smile to my face!

Answering my doctor's question again ... Yes, I am happy with my decision to go forward with this surgery!

Clothes, workouts and swimsuits

Just after my surgery and being released from the hospital, with the help of my sister, I organized my clothes. If you struggle with your weight like I did and went up and down the scale, I can assume that you have a closet filled with many different sizes. I had a closet and two bins filled with clothes. So with my sister's help we sorted the clothes by size. I then tried some on and decided what I would keep and what I would donate, knowing I would never wear them again. This was two weeks ago and after we sorted the clothes we donated an entire bin to the rescue mission.

For the next week I didn't wear many different outfits. I was still home from work and pretty much wore yoga pants, t-shirts and my pajamas. So when I finally returned to work I started to wear the clothes that we organized. If you don't step on the digital box (scale) every day trying on clothes is a nice way to judge how you are doing. My first day back I wore a dress that I realized I may not be wearing again. I am losing weight, which is the plan, and I am losing it in my upper body area first. So with this in mind my bras are loser and so are many tops and the tops of dresses. On Friday I brought another bag of clothes to a consignment shop. The shop took half the clothes I brought to them and I made $24 off of what I was giving away. Instead of bringing the remaining clothes home I brought them to the Salvation Army and donated them there.As time goes on I have a feeling that donating clothes and bringing them to consignment shops will become part of my routine.

I have continued my workouts since the surgery and they have included walking, running, biking and swimming. I have been taking it easy because I am still trying to balance my nutrition with my effort level. So when I got on my bike, I was on my trainer and road for about 30 easy minutes. I was so excited to get back in the pool, which I did for the first time last week. I didn't go too hard but I had to move quickly because I was swimming in between thunder storms. I was able to get a good 22 minute swim complete before the thunder began. In between raindrops I have also been able to get a few runs in too. Today I completed a 3 mile run and it felt great. I have been run/walking as to not over do it. For every minute that I run I then walk the same amount. It isn't fast but I am covering the miles.

As I mentioned I went swimming last week. A few years ago I bought several new bathing suits but did not use them all in the first season. At the beginning of this summer I brought out one of those suits and used it for the first time. The suit fit fine all summer until I tried it on last week. It was much bigger than the last time I wore it. Guess who will be checking out SwimOutlet.com very soon?!? Oh the fun has begun!

Stay tuned I head back to the nutritionist this week!