You Win Some You Lose Some...

 

My water bottles were filled, my running clothes were waiting for me, and I had a plan. I went to bed and my alarm was set. I was ready to go as soon as the alarm went off!

Well the alarm rang and I woke up in a funk and a fog. I couldn’t get moving, I felt tired and my legs felt heavy. The original plan I had to run in a certain area, went out the window. I decided to get a few things done on my "to do" list, thinking it would inspire me to get going. I finally pushed myself out the door but as soon as I got moving I knew it wasn't going to be good. I was moving slower than usual and my legs were shot!

I got to the 1.10 miles mark, the corner of Dayton Street and Plumtree Road, and I already felt beat up at that point. If I turned right, the run would continue, if I turned left I could walk home and be done with it. I decided to turn right and dig deep to see what I could do this morning. Up and down some hills, in and out of the sun beating on me, in and out of neighborhoods and I was back to my house at mile 7. I refilled my water bottles and said to myself I could do this. But I decided to change locations. I headed to the park where I run often hoping it would be shaded and inspire me. I continued to push but during mile 10 I walked more than I ran and by 10.25 miles I knew I was done and had nothing left. I was supposed to do 15 this morning but I figured the 10.25 wasn't too bad since I was ready to quit at mile 1.10 miles.

I reached out to my coach to tell her about this horrific run. She told me to put it behind me and in the words of Coach Belichick, "We are on to Monday". This new week will be a clean slate to try it again! If you can see the awful times of my 10 miles, my average was 1 -2 minutes slower than normal. I had nothing in me! Moving on!!

So let's focus on some good things that happened this week. I started my new job. One week down. I am the Assistant Athletic Director for External Operations in the athletic department of a local college. Part of my job is being the oversight for certain athletic teams. I was giving four teams to work with, women's tennis, men's lacrosse, cross country/track & field, and women's triathlon!! Yes I am excited! 

Other things to be happy about. To the left is a picture of my very first marathon medal. It is a Tiffany Necklace, they were a sponsor of  

the race and when we crossed the finish line we were given a small Tiffany Blue Box wrapped in a white bow! I love this necklace and wore it every day for years. It reminded me of who I was and what I could accomplish. Well four years ago I was playing around with my neighbors dog and she jumped up on me and the necklace broke. I put it in a box and forgot all about it until I was packing to move. I recently brought it to a jeweler to be fixed and it is back around my neck! 

Something else to be happy about...Recently I received two medals in the mail to celebrate some accomplishments, completing two virtual challenges. During this time of Covid races, like so many other things, have been canceled. Race companies have been offering the competitive runners, cyclist, and triathletes virtual races or challenges to keep us going and focused. No these virtual events are not the same as the real thing but it helps pass the time. You can also earn some fun bling along the way. 

The first virtual challenge I did was a run around the 11 Finger Lakes of New York. I started this before I left New York. Although this challenge was virtual, complete 408. 2 miles, I have actually biked around 3 1/2 of the actual finger lakes in my lifetime. Someday I will go back and do more, but for now I completed this challenge in 6 weeks by biking and running.

Once I finished the finger lakes I went on to run and bike through the state of Massachusetts, a total of 262 miles. I completed this virtual challenge on Saturday, 27 days after I started. Similar to the finger lakes challenge I have actually biked through almost all of Massachusetts in 1997, 194 miles for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute, The Pan-Mass Challenge. So two virtual challenges and the summer isn't even over...what will I do next? Tomorrow is a new day...Embrace It!!

Medal from the Finger Lakes Challenge! 

Medal from the Run Across Massachusetts 

What is My Why?

I am not searching for my "why" when it comes to my workouts or training. Even though races have been cancelled, running and training has not and I still have goals. I am taking advantage of the time off to really focus on my workouts, despite the hot and humid weather. 

I am still working on the goals I set for 2020 and will see those through. I have already started to think about my training goals and race goals for 2021 and 2022. We may be in a pandemic but as long as I am healthy, I will keep moving.

The why I am searching for has to do with another journey I am currently on. It has to do with another marathon that has a finish line but follows a different course. It has to do with my dissertation research!

I cannot seem to get focused or stay focused on what I need to be doing. At the end of April I had to transfer to a different University in order to complete my dissertation, I believe I have shared this with you. As a result of that transfer I had to take a few additional seminar classes. While taking those classes I put my research on hold. Now that those are done and I got through a move to a new area I can't seem to have the energy to do my research and I have soooooo much to do!!

I need to figure out a way to get refocused and re-energized. I need to find my "Why". I have come so far, spent so much money not to see this thing through. And it is more than the money, I have wanted this for so long!!

I remember when I wanted to start being morning person and get my workouts done early. I worked so hard on that for a few different reasons; 1. I didn't want to talk myself out of my workouts later in the day and 2. it gave me time to get my school work done after work without worrying about my workouts. I shared my plan with people in order to hold myself accountable and each day I would set my alarm early in order to get things done. I then would check-in to let others know I got it done. 

In my current situation I have absolutely no excuses not to get it done. I have some time off and nothing to distract me...yet I find a way to sabotage myself. This is so important to me, I do want this...but I am feeling overwhelmed and wondering where I should start. Where do I begin?

I have to remember my "Why". I have to treat this like my morning goal routine and for a few weeks work on it first thing in the AM. I need to set my alarm and get up early and attack the research. I need to hold myself accountable. I need to keep my eyes on the prize. And in the words of a dear friend, "stay the course". 

Keep moving forward!!

Keeping My Eye on the Prize

I never thought when this pandemic started to hit this country back in March that it would affect my graduate program. In February I learned that my graduate school was closing, due to financial reasons, and that I needed to find another school to transfer into. All of this made for a fun winter. 

In mid-March, like so many others, our office was closed and we were forced to work from home. This also disrupted my normal routine, after work I would find myself at the library or at a cafe ready to focus on my research and classwork. Well when the school shut down so did the library and restaurants. So I was now forced to sit at the same spot for work and school and just continue throughout the day. 

My school closed down on April 24, I submitted my last assignment, and on Monday, April 27, I was to start a new class at a new school. Due to transferring into a new program, I needed to take an additional class for 8 weeks which I was not very excited about as well as continue my dissertation research.

It seems all so simple, like I said I never thought what was happening in the world around me would actually affect me. Boy was I wrong. April 24th I officially finished at Concordia University - Portland and I was also furloughed from my job. However, grad school must go on. April 27 I officially started at Concordia University - Wisconsin, in which I had to learn a whole new system and take additional classes. During all of this I was trying to figure out this life of no work, interviewing for new jobs and surviving a pandemic.

Slowly job searching and surviving became more of a priority over school. I did the work that needed to be done for this additional class but my research was put on the back burner. I just didn't have the passion to work on it. I shared this all with my advisor and he said, many people are surprised how this pandemic has affected them. 

I finished that last class about a week ago, moved to Massachusetts, and now waiting for a new job to start. With all this in mind, I decided I needed to get refocused. I need to keep my eye on the prize. Finish what I started. Earning my doctorate has been a goal and dream of mine for a LONG time and I can't lose my focus. 

It's time to get refocused, re-engaged, and make my research a priority. In some ways I feel like I am starting over but really I just need to get organized. I am not giving up!! I can hear my friend Mindy Lu telling me, "stay the course"!!

Keeping my eyes on the prize!!

Frustrated ...

So three weeks ago I did some math to figure out how many calories I should actually be eating to lose weight. I was reading a book about nutrition and marathon training. The number I came up with was based on my current weight and did not take into account the number of calories I burn while working out. According to the final answer I was eating about 300 calories less than I had been. So I decided to increase the number to see if this would help me lose some weight that I have been struggling to take off.

I just want to lose 10 pounds...I am not asking for too much...10 pounds would be great. Well I weighed myself today and I have not lost an ounce!! What is going on??? I workout, I take in plenty of protein, I eat as much fruits and veggies as my body can handle, I do not over eat on cookies or chips...but yet I can't lose weight.

Maybe this is where I am supposed to be...maybe 1XX (I almost told you my weight...God doesn't even know) is where I need to be...I will admit I have not done any strength conditioning in about two weeks. Between the packing and moving I decided to take a break and not stress over it. However, I don't think that would make a huge difference. It hadn't made a difference when I was lifting 3 days a week for 4 weeks prior to the move so I don't think missing the past two weeks is the problem. I am not saying I won't get back to it, because it is important, it just isn't the problem.

Well this week I am going to start a 30 day program with Isagenix. It is a program that uses protein shakes, which have always been encouraged by my bariatric weightloss team. They did not encourage a specific company but getting my protein in using shakes. I never jumped on that train because I never had a problem getting my protein in. But I figure it can't hurt to try. Basically I would use two shakes a day as replacement meals, take in two snacks and one meal. And each day I can vary how and when I want to take in the shakes. For example one day I may want to have breakfast as my big meal and shakes at lunch and dinner or the opposite.

My clothes still fit; I feel fine; I am getting my workouts in but I want  the scale to move. It is a mental game with me...I want to see the magic number. I want to lose 10 but at this point 5 would be great. I just think I would feel a lot better about myself.

I hope everyone is doing well...I will keep you posted.

I've Been Here Before Part II

Day 2 of my checking in to let you know how I am doing. So my coach gave me the last few days off. In fact I have official rest days on my calendar until Saturday when I can get back at it. Between my GI Issues and the fact I was feeling tired, my coach saw that my training times were slowing down and I needed the break.

Taking days off can be tough for me. I get scared with how my body will react...more importantly how the scale will react. I haven't gone near the scale this week and I have made a conscious effort take in enough protein, avoid sugar, and stay within my calorie range.

As a result of these days off my legs are feeling better, I don't feel as tired...I am still dealing a bit with the GI issues but not as bad as it was this past weekend. I am hoping that things calm down in that category before I run again on Saturday!

I had to laugh at the post I received on Garmin. Garmin shared with me that I am "peaking". Prior to this statement, I was unproductive, which really does nothing for your self esteem. Peaking means that I am in "ideal race condition!". Garmin shared that I recently reduced my training load and this is allowing my body to recover. If only I had a race to be peaking for ... sigh. Instead let's hope I have great results during my long training this weekend!!

PS according to Garmin my fitness age is 20 and I am in the top 15% of my age and gender...I am happy with that!!

Keep moving forward...

I Have Been Here Before...

 A year ago I was in Lake Placid for my Ironman Training Weekend. It was a tough weekend, I won't lie about that, but it pushed me to be better, to do more and be stronger. I am sharing this post from Facebook because when it came up in my memories, it actually brought me to tears. I as hard as it all was, and as many tears as I shed that weekend and other days in between, I loved every minute of it.

I am sharing this memory because in the midst of all of this training, figuring out what I needed to succeed I was also dealing with many medical issues that were tied to one of the most important things associated with Ironman Training, how to fuel your body. I had low iron levels and needed iron infusion. I had many GI issues going on and every week I felt like I was being tested for something new. I gave away so many vials of blood to be tested and retested. I had to eliminate certain foods from my diet only to bring them back to see how my body reacted. Finally I had to have a colonoscopy about two months before the Ironman. While having this procedure they discovered polyps and the fact after ruling everything else out, that I have an intense case of IBS.

I am sharing this with you because I could go for weeks even months without a system or an attack. Then out of no where it happens, I am in pain, cramping, bloated, and other fun things. In the past couple of weeks, my IBS decided to remind me he was still around. It has affected my workouts in so many ways. And I spend hours going over what I have eaten over the last few days that could possibly set it off. Was it something I ate, am I stressed, am I overtired; stress can wreak havoc on me and being tired doesn't help.

So after dealing with this for the last two weeks I decided to pull out a few trusted friends, Eating for IBS and other nutritional books. Sometimes I have to be reminded what foods I should be taking in and what foods I should be avoiding. The hard part is what might bother one person may not bother me and vice versa. It is all trial and error. For now I have to be a bit strict with myself until things settle down.

All of these issues also reminded me that I have set a goal for myself to lose a few pounds I gained after Ironman. I wanted to be down a few pounds by the end of this month and even more by October 10. Below is a paragraph from a previous post that I stated these goals...

From a post on April 8, 2020

"And a goal broken down into steps become a plan and then when you back that with actions it helps to make your dreams come true. So I want to lose 8 - 13 pounds and I would like to see at least 8 by June 27 when I compete in the Tupper Lake 70.3 Triathlon (I hope*) and 13 pounds by the Hartford Marathon in October (I hope*). (*I hope that the races will happen and I hope that I lose the weight)."

At this point I can pretty much guarantee I will not be down the full 8 pounds by June 27 but I am not going to give up. I will keep pushing and trying. Between quieting my friend, Mr. IBS and continuing to train for life, I plan to lose the 13 pounds by October 10.

I also decided to hold myself accountable and I am using this blog for what I intended so many years ago...I will share my journey. Reading articles and individuals posts on Facebook the Corona Virus Quarantine has not been our friend...we are facing the Covid 19 (pounds) and our mental well being is also struggling. How can I be there 100% for friends and family if I am not 100% myself. I will be posting here on a regular basis to let you know my struggles and my successes...my ups and downs. I hope I can help or inspire someone else.

Keep Moving Forward

I SEE YOU!

Recently I have been wanting to say so much about Ahmaud Arbery, Christian Cooper, and George Floyd but I have held back, afraid to say the wrong thing or have my words and thoughts seem meaningless on a Facebook post. When I read and listen to the news about Ahmaud, Christian, and George instantly my friends faces appear in my mind Brian, Joe, Cornell, Bill, David, Reggie…

I can’t keep silent anymore. My silence isn’t helping. I decided to post my thoughts here because I have always said that my blog is a place of honesty and I show my true struggles.

When the story was shared on the news about Ahmaud, months after he was killed, I was shocked and angry. I instantly thought about the 100s and 100s + runs I had been on and no one had every stopped me, questioning why I was running in a particular neighborhood. I often drive to different neighborhoods to run and I have never been questioned. And I thought back to the construction sights I have passed on my runs and praised God when I have seen a porta potty that I could use. Too many times to count the number of times I have entered a construction sight and used a porta potty without being stopped or questioned (yes, I always looked for security cameras). I have never run in fear, even at night in Central Park. No one should run in fear! I see you Ahmaud!

When the story of Christian Cooper was shared, I watched the video and thought to myself this woman is crazy and how was Christian threatening her? I did post on social media after her job fired her and I applauded them but then my focus went to the dog and how she was handling her dog in the video. I apologize for that; I took the focus off the real victim Christian Cooper. I see you Christian.

Yesterday, my friend Brian wrote a post on Facebook to his white friends and family…” Do you see me? Do you really see me?” it brought me to tears as I read it. Brian is a husband, a father, a brother, a friend…I see you Brian!

I can not stand in your shoes; I cannot begin to understand how you feel but I can stand with you. This has to stop. I am sorry, I hear you, and I SEE YOU!!