Two steps forward ten steps back

Have you ever felt like you take two steps forward and then ten steps back. It's either my weight, my diabetes, my workout plan, my debt, trying to buy a house ... I haven't felt like I have been ahead in a long time. Often days like this bring about the why bother attitude, I can't make a difference!

I don't like to be the "why me" kind of person, I know many people in this world have it worse than me. I try to look at life as the glass half full but today I am not feeling it.

It is a beautiful day and I am loving that but I wish that other things would come together.

A short post...

...but even a few words say so much! I need to get my $H/T together! I need to get my MOJO back! I am in desperate need to find my fire! I am lost. And although I miss my workouts (desperately) something keeps getting in my way.

What is my next move!

January 30th

What has gotten into me? Over half my workouts this month have been on my bike? For those that know me know that I am not a fan of my bike but for some reason I have been jumping on it a lot. Is it because it is convenient and setup in the middle of my living room? Is it because I can do it at anytime of the day ... so in case I have gone all day without a workout I can jump on it before I go to bed? Am I doing it out of convenience rather than out of desire? Or am I starting to like the bike? Are the stars aligning??  Only time will tell ... keep peddling!!

January 2016 Update

So we are 17 days into 2016 and I thought I would take a look at how I am doing on my resolutions (see previous blog post). Well if I am going to complete 2,016 miles this year I have to step it up. I have been working out but really I have been slacking. So far I have completed 8 out of the 17 days for a total of 37.5 miles and that just won't do. Time to step it up. I might as well do it half way through January rather than half way through 2016. Time to get moving...no looking back.

The Practice of Meditation ... I have realized that there is a reason why they say "the practice of meditation" because it doesn't come easily without practice. I have not committed to doing it every day but I have been practicing and hopefully over time it will get easier. Again we are only half way through January ... I think I will need a bit more time.

Other items I listed on my 2016 resolutions have to do with reading and knitting. I have been reading, in fact I finished a book last night. Tonight I will start another! My knitting hasn't been touched in 2016 and I have plenty of projects to work on ... I still have time right?

In regards to my goals about buying a house and working on my budget and finances...I have been actively working towards the finish line. I have been actively looking for a house, met with the banks and have taken a serious look at my monthly budget. If this is a goal, I can't sit around and hope this will happen I have to work towards it!

Just a few thoughts I had as I reviewed my resolutions. What's the point of making resolutions or goals if you don't re-evaluate them or see how you are progressing. I don't want to look back in December 2016 or January 2017 and wonder why I didn't accomplish these things.

Let's keep moving...

Balance or Searching ... Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! I woke up this morning made my first cup of tea in 2016, sat on the couch with the fireplace going and watched the snow fall outside. It was a great cup of tea! It was a quiet moment in which I started to think more about my goals/resolutions/dreams. Was I ready to take on more or was I more frustrated with the past year? I was staring at a blank page of a new book and wondered what would I do with it? What would I create?

I have thought very hard about whether or not I wanted to do this again this year. The last two years haven’t gone quite my way when I have looked back on what I said I wanted to do. I completed only two endurance events the Rock n Roll Half Marathon in Brooklyn and a 5K open water swim in Lake George. I had my sights set on others but work always got in the way. I have registered for other races this year determined not to have work get in the way ... they do take place on a weekend but we all know I work a lot of weekends.

So I decided I would try it one more time. Maybe this year will be different. My health is always on the top of my list. Last year I dedicated 2015 to one word “health” and one phrase “medication free”. Well I learned a lot about myself and about the disease diabetes, I went into 2015 naive and ended quite frustrated. I am still struggling and fighting my diabetes so yes, “health” is still on the top of my list. I learned it will take a lot more than just creating the phrase “medication free” to get rid of medication … sometimes I want to fight but my bodies doesn’t or vice versa.

So I decided this year I am going to define a few other words besides “health” and hope that they all work together. Perhaps the over arching goal or word of 2016 is "balance"?

1.      Workouts –

a.       I want to complete my workouts in the morning during the week … I am going to work at being a morning person. Rise and Shine ... get out of bed and get to the gym or the pool. This will mean that I have to be more organized at night. Gym bag packed, lunches and breakfast made so I can head out the door.

b.      My goal is to complete 2,016 miles in 2016. Yes, you read that correctly 2,016 miles. I have never actually tallied up all the miles I have covered in the past so I thought why not. I can cover the miles by running, biking, swimming or walking. Yes, it will be hard but I won’t know if I can do it unless I try.

2.      House-

a.       It is my goal to find and buy a house in 2016. I have been looking but this is the year to really put my energy behind it. I am tired of paying rent and I want to own my own home.

3.      Savings -        

a.       Put together a budget and continue to save money which will help me with #2

b.      Pay off debt and limit my spending on a daily, weekly and a monthly basis.

4.      Meditation-

a.       I would like to start meditating on a daily basis

b.      During the last quarter of 2015 I read a few books and articles about meditating.  I read how meditation can help in so many aspects of your life; health, workouts, weight, stress, happiness etc.

c.       As part of meditation I would like to increase my time that I spend reading and knitting. Along with reading about meditation during the last quarter of 2015 I started knitting and reading again.

5.      Finally –

a.       I would like to organize and de-clutter my guest room and office area. Both spaces have become the dumping ground and I can’t take it anymore. Even if I do it one week at a time, one drawer at a time or one pile at a time. I just need to work at it.

Does this list seem overwhelming? Am I taking on too much? If not now when do I do it? This may sound like a strange statement but I feel like I am searching for something but I don't know exactly what it is yet. I am hoping if I work towards these goals they will help me find what I am looking for (in my head I just started singing U2's "Still haven't found what I am looking for"). So is my over arching goal/word "balance" or is it "searching"? Only time will tell.

 

Just in case you are curious about my races, here they are:

Syracuse Half Marathon - April

Right to Run 19 K - May

Tour de Cure 65 mile bike Ride - June

Cayuga Triathlon - August

Open Water Swim Lake George - August

Rock n Roll Half Marathon Philly - September

Princeton Half Marathon - November

Happy New Year ... I hope 2016 is the best yet!

Reflecting

December 13, 2015 ...12 days until Christmas. This is the time of year that we or at least I start to reflect on the year gone by and what does the future hold for us. Last year for my new year's resolutions I went with a word that would represent everything. The word was "health". That word represented everything I wanted; getting healthy, fighting my diabetes, and training for races. At the time last year I had only been diagnosed with diabetes for about one month. I was angry, scared and overwhelmed and I hated having this disease. I still hate having this disease and naive me thought I could fight it and get rid of it within a year.

Oh how things change in a year. My word is still "health" and I am still working towards being healthier but some days my diabetes is winning. It has been a frustrating year for me and my medical team. I am exercising almost every day. I completed a 5 mile road race, my 9th half marathon and a 5K open water swim in 2015. I was proud of myself. Looking ahead I have already laid out my race calendar for 2016 (April - September so far) and every day I am working towards those finish lines. The calendar includes 2 more half marathons, a 65 mile bike ride, a triathlon and another open water swim. Food is still a struggle for me but the big frustration is that the medication is not working the way my medical team wants it to work. They believe my body is producing too much insulin and it is rejecting the medication. Of course life happens ... some medications I can't try because my insurance won't cover them and they are wicked expensive for out of pocket. So what will happen in the new year ... only time will tell. So far no resolutions have been made!

Random Thoughts

Random thoughts ... this is sometime what I do when I can't figure out what I really want to say but I have a bunch of random thoughts ...

First thought I am traveling for work, again, and I am watching Jimmy Fallon right now ... I love Jimmy Fallon!!!

Why can't I put everything together ... my workouts have been going well. I like to workout...I like to move, sweat and challenge myself to get better or go further every day...but I struggle with food. I find myself mindlessly eating. I eat when I am not hungry and I don't make good choices when it comes to food. When I travel for work the "travel days" are the worst. Travel days are the ones that you actual travel to get to where you have to go...I spend a lot of time in airports. While I am there I find myself constantly looking for food. Is it because I am hungry, tired or bored?? Doesn't matter I eat. I am feeling out of control!!!

Today I went to lunch and ordered some dessert but asked if I could order it to go ... I thought I will eat this piece of cake a few bites at a time over the next few days. Well I left the restaurant and while I was sitting at a light, waiting to turn left, I saw a gentleman holding a sign saying he is a vet and is looking to get home so he was asking for money. I didn't have any cash on me so I turned left when the light turned green. As I turned the bag with my cake inside slid on the seat and I thought to myself I didn't need this cake ... I turned around and headed back to the street where I saw the man. I explained that I didn't have any cash but I would share my dessert with him. He blessed me and wished me a Merry Christmas!

On Pinterest tonight there was a "pin" that listed  "The 10 worst Fast Foods for Diabetics" ... that would be for me since I am a Diabetic...Here they are:
1. French Fries
2. White Tortilla recipes
3. Cookies
4. Chips
5. Chicken Nuggets
6. Bagels
7. Milkshakes
8. Pizza
9. Hamburgers
10. Soda

Yeah I am a mess since I still eat 8 out of the 10 items listed. I think I am living on the edge and I need to back away ... I haven't been feel well and I need to make a change.

Well I think my random thoughts turned into a post...
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