Why Bother??

I dislike these vicious contraptions. And dislike could be putting it mildly. I have a strong dislike, in fact I HATE these ridiculous measuring tools. The magic box of numbers, I believe are a relative of satin. They are supposed to measure weight but they wreck havoc on your emotions!

I have been feeling good about myself lately so this morning before my workout, before the sun even rose, I decided to take a joy ride on this piece of equipment they call a scale. And the number didn't go down...it didn't stay the same...it went up! WHY???

Why is it going up? But more importantly, why did I give in to the taunting of the scale and jump on it? I was feeling cocky and thought yeah this is my day! Boy was I wrong!!

How can an electronic number make such an impact on your life? Why does that number mean so much to me? Why does it affect me so much?

In the last six weeks I have been feeling great, physically. I have been feeling strong and my GI track seems to be settling down (sorry for the TMI). I am hitting PRs in the gym and on my bike. Although my runs haven't been super fast, I have been happy with them and more importantly I haven't been in my head (negatively) while I run. I have made a commitment to my strength workouts, which has made a HUGE difference. And my clothes fit great...my size hasn't changed in three years! So WHY is the scale against me?

This morning I put on a dress I bought new this season. It is a size that I have been wearing for years. It

fits perfectly and is so comfortable. I looked in the mirror and I was happy with what I saw but then the scale laughed at me from the other side of the room. Who is in control here?

I record every food item I consume and I weigh and measure what I eat. Why do I bother? I should just eat the bagel sandwich every day. Or how about the Doritos that always looks so good? Or cake every day! The crazy thing is I don't have a desire to eat the Doritos every day, the bagel sandwich or cake. Not because of the scale just because I don't have an interest. I know I am not perfect but I don't think an occasional muffin or cookie should do me in! 

I know what many of you will say, don't worry about the scale. Keep doing what I am doing, use other things as my measuring tools. I want to agree with you but I also want to know what I am doing to make the scale go up instead of down? I think it might be time to hide the magical number box of hate for a while and try to figure this all out! I am not ready to give up. I can't commit to the "why bother" attitude or all HELL will break lose and we will have so much more to worry about. I have to figure this out and maybe some day I will have a better relationship with the calibrated balance!!

Keep Moving!! 

 

When someone believes you can!

 

This week I completed my 6th straight week of strength training. As I have shared with friends before I would avoid my strength training workouts like it was Covid-19! And if I did complete the workout, it was done quickly and half-ass'd. I just wanted to get it over with.

Over a month ago I had a conversation with my coach regarding my workouts and how I was feeling, emotionally and physically, about myself. We decided that I needed to change things up a bit and the most important thing I had to do was commit to a strength training program. Facing challenge #1

After that conversation 3 strength workouts were added to my weekly schedule. And I had to make the commitment. Each day a program was designed for me and one by one I checked them off. I found myself doing things I never thought I would be doing. You know like making a commitment to attempt lunges...Oh how I hate them. Of course when I tell my coach that I struggle with them and they aren't my favorite, you know what happens? More are added to the workout.

One day I showed up in the gym, a quiet evening after work. The student-athletes weren't back on campus yet so I had the whole place to myself. I pulled up the workout on my phone and my coach added "goblet squats" using a 30 lb dumbbell. I chuckled to myself, thinking no way...well to my surprise I did it and completed the set. I shared this with my coach and her answer was simple, "I knew you could do it". 

A week ago another crazy exercise showed up again. This time it was "squats with legs close together" using a 40lb dumbbell. That evening I stared at the 40 pound weight, telling myself I couldn't do it. What was she thinking??? It took me a few minutes but I finally tried it. I lifted the 40 pounds and off I went. The exercise called for 12 reps...I didn't quite hit 12 but I attempted it and ended up with 10 reps!

So the chick who would avoid weight training like the plague, is now doing squats with 40 pound dumbbells. Oh and did I tell you that I even tried box jumps? Usually when looking at those boxes they scream, "I am a accident waiting to happen". I have been doing them, no accidents, and I am enjoying them!!

I still have a lot of work to do but I am feeling a lot better and stronger. Coach Roe thank you for believing in me!!

Commitment to Changes ... not giving up!

This week a memory came up on Facebook from two years ago that I felt was fitting for me today. I posted this message (photo on the left) as I started training for my Ironman. I knew what it would take to do my job, continue with school and train for the Ironman. It would take late nights, early morning and a lot of sacrifice. 

When I saw this post I thought to myself I need to make a commitment to making some sacrifices in order to get things done. When Covid started to take off last March, during that year that we don't ever want to mention again, changes were happening all over. And as much as I never wanted to admit it, covid had an affect on my life and specifically school. Nine months ago I transferred to a new school because my original University closed. I had to continue with my research but it started to get harder. Due to Covid the libraries were closed, which was a place I spent countless hours doing my school work, I know I am nerd. This may seem trivial but not being able to find myself on the quiet floors of the library I found it hard to concentrate on my research. I tried to keep going but my heart wasn't into it 100%. But I didn't want to give up!!

I slowly started to work on my research every day. I started to get back into a groove and I thought maybe there was hope. Well the holidays hit and I thought I will take a week off to enjoy the holidays and the down time. After the New Year I thought I should check my school email and one more hurdle was thrown in my way. My Dissertation Chair resigned from the school and would no longer be working with me. So there I was with my research ahead of me but not a chair in sight. The school and the department has promised to find me someone. They know that this is unfortunate but they are working to make it all work. It is with this obstacle that I promised myself to stay on the path, to work hard and get this done no matter what. Sacrifices will be made but it will be worth it!!

Recently I made commitments to some other changes. A little over four weeks ago I had a conversation with my coach about some physical and emotional struggles I was going through. I was dealing with negative body image. When I looked in the mirror I still saw the very large individual from over five years ago. The individual who weighed over 250 pounds. And no matter what I did I didn't feel good about myself. 

After that conversation Coach changed up my workouts and added three days of strength training. You are probably thinking what is the big deal? Well I am not a fan of strength training. I avoid as much as possible, I have never enjoyed it.

Well I decided to commit to it, do exactly what was listed on the workout, included the lunges, which I dread the most! Today completed four weeks of these workouts and although I still have a VERY LONG WAY TO GO, I am proud of myself for doing what is hard!

When I was in the gym tonight after work, I saw this quote on the wall and I had to take a picture of it. I am showing up! This is the year I will keep showing up...showing up to the gym and showing up to my research! Getting Stronger along the way!!
 

Happy New Year --- 2021

Happy New Year Everyone! I hope this finds you well and you are ready to take on a new year. I looked back on my post from a year ago and read through my goals for 2020. I am sure I am like many of you, I didn't accomplish all of them because of the crazy year we just had. I was not able to participate in many of the races I laid out for the year, which means I was not able to achieve the times I was working towards etc etc.

But lets not focus on the past. Let's keep that year behind us and look ahead. For the past 31 days I have been using a program to create my goals for 2021. I have a number of things I would like to accomplish and achieve this year and they are associated with different aspects of my life. This program spends the first 30 days really looking at your life and what you want to achieve. The next 30 days you create your goals and then a belief method in order to achieve them. So with this in mind, I won't be revealing my goals until February 2021 (Stay tuned). 

I will share that some of the things I have been focusing on come from those items not achieved in 2020 and also those goals I set for myself when I turned 50 in October. 

So far this process has been interesting and fun. Its making me think about what I really want for myself. I have always been an individual who sets goals and goes after them but this process is making me think about why I am choosing these items. So far some items are very simple and others are BIG. I have you on the edge of your seat so far, don't I?

Don't worry I will still be working towards the start line of many races and running towards the finish line (hopefully life lets us compete in person this year). Throughout November and December I had three rest days, one of which was a day I spent shoveling snow. And I kicked off January with a virtual New Year's Day 5K. This past month has also had me on the slopes, skiing. I purchased a new pair of skis this fall and I LOVE THEM!!! I am looking forward to January, February, and March. I hope to spend as much time as possible skiing. It is my favorite, I don't have a care in the world when I am skiing.

If only I didn't have a care in the world all the time. About a month ago I had a discussion with my coach. I shared with her some struggles I have been having with negative body image. I check the miles off my training schedule every time I swim, bike or run but this image I have of myself doesn't go away. So we decided to change things up a bit. 

We have added a more intense strength training program to my calendar. I have been lifting in the gym 3 days a week. This may seem like nothing to some of you but for me this is huge. I have completed 3 weeks of this plan. Strength training is usually the thing I ignore on my calendar or skip if I don't feel like doing it. So far I haven't missed a day and I am getting it done. 

This story is a bit of a foreshadowing to some of my goals and plans for 2021. Stay Tuned!!

I hope you all have a fabulous start to this year. And may you all run after your goals and dreams!!