Having Faith and Trying to Believe!

It has been quite some time since I posted a blog. In fact that last time was May 27. I have actually started this particular blog back in June but never had time to finish. Between work, grad school and Ironman training, all being done full time, by the end of the day I am pretty tired and putting my thoughts down in this blog seems too overwhelming. Now don't get me wrong, I have a lot of thoughts and tons of emotions right now, so here is my attempt to share it all with you without writing a memoir the length of War and Peace.

I am currently taking a class about technology and education. I know it could be a very interesting subject but I am finding it hard to focus on that right now. I am going through the motions of doing the assignments but not getting much out of it. Throughout the last 7 months of Ironman Training I have worked very hard not to let school disrupt training and more importantly training disrupt school. For the most part it has worked out very well. Until this class, the last four weeks have been tough and stressful but I am making it work and I will survive.

I have been planning to write this blog entry for the last six weeks but as I shared between training, work, and classes I usually run out of time. However, with less than nine days to go I thought it was time to share my thoughts on the emotional and physical roller coaster we call Ironman Training. I promise I won't share every day just a few highlights.

If you look up the definition faith (nonreligious) it means to have complete trust or confidence in someone or something. A synonym of the word faith is belief or confidence. As I enter my second week of taper I keep telling myself I need to have faith...I need to be confident and most importantly believe. Doing all of this seems harder than the actual training.

Six weeks ago I took a Friday off and headed up to Lake Placid for a training weekend. Placid, like for so many others, is my happy place, my little piece of heaven. It is where Miracles happen and is magical. However, this weekend was going to be tough and I knew would be a true measuring stick as too how well my training was going and how much work I still needed to do. Day one was a 2.4 mile swim followed by a 25 mile bike. I was happy with how things started but then came day day 2.

Day two's schedule included 112 miles on the bike followed by a six mile run. I knew the course so I knew it wasn't going to be easy. However, I wasn't prepared for how much it was going to kick me in the ass. After the first loop I stood in the parking lot of our hotel and cried as I refueled. I didn't have much time to feel sorry for myself because I had another loop to go and it crushed me mentally. I came back, hot and tired but I still had 6 miles to run. My coach met me and ran the six with me. Oh how I did not want to run those miles. I headed out way to fast and continuously my coach yelled at me to slow down. By the time I hit the bridge, down by River Road, I asked if we could just run 5 miles. She smiled and said sure we can run five...but we are also going to run six! I am glad she was there to push me because I never would have done it...but I didn't like her very much at that moment, ha ha (she already knows this).

Day three, Sunday, a day of rest? Maybe in the bible but not in Placid! I had 20 miles on the bike and a seven mile run. During that time I had some thinking to do...how bad did I want this and what was I willing to do? I had seven weeks ahead of me and I needed to get it done.

Fast forward the next few weekends I had a few long 100+ mile rides...some runs...and more time in the water. Each week I felt like I was getting stronger and being more aware of what I needed to get the work done. Three weeks after that 112 miles in Lake Placid I was in Tupper Lake for the Tupper Lake Tinman, my third 70.3 distance race. I was nervous and they were calling for rain. Well we saw everything rain, wind, more rain, and then sun followed by heat. My coach sent me to the race with specific goals for each discipline. Much to my surprise or based on my hard work, I succeeded those goals and crossed the finish line in 7:40...almost 45 minutes faster than my last 70.3! I was shocked! Could this really be happening? Was I getting stronger? Could I eventually be an Ironman?

The last month has been training and more training. Last weekend a friend asked me if I had any plans for the weekend? I laughed and said yes, 112 miles of biking followed by some running and then more running on Sunday. This has been my life for months, but as I explained in a previous post, I have actually enjoyed the journey. Maybe not every minute, climbing up Sweet Road, but for the most part yes, I have enjoyed the journey.

Sweat, pain, and tears...so many tears. My friend Jill Walsh, an Ironman herself, and a two time silver medal paralympian, told me to be prepared for the emotions. That I would just start crying for no reason. Well Jill I can share with you, it has been happening. The other day I was on my way to work and I was crying in my car.

Several weeks ago the Ironman Corporation released the athlete bib numbers for the race on the 28th. Many people took that opportunity to post the number on their social media pages. I chose not to do it. I knew once I did it, this would all be real, and that scared me so much. However, with less than 9 days until the cannon goes off, its time to face it...it's real, there is no going back. So Above you will see my number...1121. The SHIT is getting real!!

I am blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who have supported me through this journey. Who have pushed me. They have believed when I have found it hard to do it. They have encouraged me when I didn't want to keep going. Even when they don't get it all, they have at least asked how I was doing. On Thursday I head back to my happy place to face the biggest goal I have ever set out for myself. There will be days, hours, minutes and seconds between now and then I will doubt myself. I will find it hard to believe...but I am trying! The real question is without faith and believing does any of this matter?? And yes, Jill Walsh I am crying right now!!

Enjoying the Journey to IMLP

A few weeks ago I ran the Mountain Goat 10 miler. While on the course I started talking with this woman who also does triathlons and has completed Lake Placid Twice. We talked about the whole training process and she said, I feel bad for people who don't enjoy the journey. It made me smile that day and I have thought about that statement a lot. I can honestly say, that so far I have really enjoyed the journey. The highs, lows, and everything in between has taught me so much and I have really enjoyed it.

I am currently five weeks away from the Tupper Lake 70.3 and nine weeks away from the Ironman Lake Placid. I usually don't count the weeks because it gives me anxiety. I have been facing the training one day at a time but often, individuals will ask me how much longer, so there it is. And as I wrote that...I had a bit of anxiety and a lot of emotions.

There are days during this training that you feel like you could take on the world. And then there are days that humble you and you question if you can even do this. I often let my emotions get the best of me and I have to talk myself out of giving up. Saturday was a training day that had all those emotions wrapped into one. I had a 75 mile ride followed by a 20 minute transition run on the training schedule. My friend Meghan, who is also training for the IMLP, joined me on the ride. She is a much more powerful cyclist than I am but it was nice to know someone else was out there with me. We mapped out a course and off we went. The first 40 miles were great. I felt confident and really enjoyed myself...then the weather changed. Rain and crazy headwind took over and we had to spin and push our way through it. There were moments when climbing uphill, into the wind, I thought to myself I am not moving. During one 10 mile stretch, we were heading straight into the wind, and I think I yelled out every profanity I could think of and shed some tears. This truly can be an emotional journey. By the time we were finished, I was so happy...happy it was over but also elated that we didn't quit. Even though it was tough, I felt pretty good about myself.

Of course then I had to put on my running shoes and go out and run 20 minutes. Twenty minutes doesn't seem like a lot but when the muscles in your legs just finished biking it is hard to tell them to start running. I was wet, hot, and tired by this point but quitting gets you know where. I have to admit that I couldn't tell how fast I was running. I didn't think I was moving all that much but according to my watch I was keeping a good pace. Getting used to this feeling is important as that transition from bike to run is so critical.

Sunday was a new day with a new workout and the sun was shining. I had to ride for 20 miles and then run a 6 mile transition. I was a bit tired from the day before but I was curious to see how my body reacted. The ride went really well. I found a course that had several rolling hills. Not huge climbs but rollers one right after the other. When I was done with that I started my run. And once again I could not tell how fast I was going but according to my watch, much faster than I normally run. I forced myself to slow down and got into a rhythm. And by this point in the morning the sun was up and it was getting warm. By mile four I was hot, drenched in sweat, and tired. I actually ran by my car and seriously thought about stopping but I quickly talked my self out of that one. Instead, I gave myself permission to readjust. I stopped, walked for .25 miles, took in some fuel and refocused. Once I started up again I felt like I had a whole bunch of new energy. I ended up finishing stronger than I started and I am so happy I didn't quit. I also made a deal with myself, if I kept running I could treat myself to breakfast...and it tasted so good at the Dryden Hotel!!

So today is another day on the bike with a little run thrown in there. I had to switch around my training days a bit due to the Memorial Day Holiday (the pool is closed). Tomorrow I will be back in the pool. I have been struggling in that category a bit, which is an unusual thing for me. The pool has always been my sanctuary. I always looked forward to finding swim workouts on my training schedule. I was also that person who would sneak extra swims into my training. Lately something has changed. I know I need to suck it up cuz I will hate myself if my swim does not go well. Believe me I won't be happy.

For those of you who have followed my triathlon, on again off again, career since 2001, I have always loved the swim and was never the person in love with my bike. Well things have changed. I am actually looking forward to the bike workouts, and we all know I need them, and dreading going to the pool. In fact last Friday, I had my swim bag packed, I was dressed and ready to go. I drove to the pool and then found myself sitting in the parking lot for 10 minutes trying to convince myself to go inside. WHO IS THIS PERSON???? SNAP OUT OF IT!!!! I am facing a new week so things have got to get better. I will keep you posted...but if you are reading this I give you permission to yell at me and tell me to suck it up and jump in the pool!

A few other updates: My iron levels are maintaining, which is good. I had to have a colonoscopy recently because we are still trying to figure out my GI issues. The doctor found some polyps, which were tested and came back negative for cancer. However, I have now won the prize for being able to go back in 3 years...so excited! The colonoscopy also did not shed any light on my stomach problems. So I have been advised to try the FODMAP elimination diet. I will follow this for three weeks and see how things go. It is a whole process of eliminating a bunch of food from all the food groups and slowly bring them back into your diet to see how your body reacts. Today is day one...so far so good.

Other than that school and work are still keeping me busy. I had to share this picture on the left...you know you are in training when your sink looks like this at the end of the day. I hope you all have a wonderful and safe Memorial Day. Let's take the time to remember, all gave some and some gave all, so we can enjoy our freedoms. THANK YOU!

Iron levels, a ride, and some emotions

Earlier this week I went to a follow-up appointment regarding my iron levels. Two months ago I had two iron infusions due to the fact that my iron levels were extremely low. Happy to report my iron took a huge leap and I am doing well. I shared with the doctor that everyone was right, as soon as I started to feel better after the infusions, I finally realized how lousy I was feeling for so long. Who knew that how I was feeling wasn't normal!!

So this past weekend was my first ride outside since September. It was a beautiful, warm day. I was challenged with riding a strong 50 mile ride or 4 hours. I will admit I headed out on the road very nervous and without much confidence. The bike has always been my weakness of the three triathlon disciplines but I have tried really hard to push myself this winter while on the bike trainer for hours.

So off I went and I told myself to keep moving forward as best I could. The miles started to go by me and I kept pushing. The first two hours went by and I was over 25 miles...half way there. I continued to pedal up and down different roads and streets I have never been on before. During the ride many farmers were out on this warm spring day and I was able to enjoy the sweet smell of farm fields in spring (if you know what I mean). But I can't complain, no farms, no food ... and we can't have that. As I road past the fields I realized I was approaching 50 miles and look at that I finished the ride in 3:44!! 

I shared with my coach that this particular ride gave me a bit of a confidence boost. I had finished the 70.3 in September in 4 hours and 32 minutes. Now I realize the course I rode on Sunday is much different than the one I did in Lake Placid but on Sunday I was on track to finish in 4:14. I had set a goal of off the bike in 4:15 for the 70.3 I am doing in June. Seeing what I did on Sunday makes me wonder what I am capable of in the next 16 weeks. 

Sunday's ride also lifted my spirits a bit. I wasn't going to share any of this stuff cuz I figured my problems are microscopic compared to others but emotionally I have been struggling. Like I said I wasn't going to say anything until I saw a post with the quote to the right. I have shared this with a few of my friends and family and although that helps it doesn't fix everything.

If you don't know me well I will let you know that the scale defines who I am. The magical number that shows up on the box determines so much for me and lately I have been struggling as I watch the scale slowly creep up. Throughout February and March I would bounce back and forth within three pounds. In the past two weeks I have jumped another 3 pounds and I can't figure out why. Three pounds may not seem like much but add that to the other three and now you are up six. Plus I was trying to lose weight since before the new year and this has been a struggle.

My eating hasn't changed...if nothing else I have become more attuned to it. I write everything I eat down and I mean everything even if it is a cheat food. I weigh and measure everything I make for breakfast, lunch and dinner yet the scale still creeps up. 

I have been eliminating sugar from my diet, if it is in the first 5 ingredients then I don't eat it. Am I perfect no, but I am not out of control. Is it stress, am I eating enough, am I eating too much? It's hard when you are training for one of the biggest races of your life, recording hours of training and you need to fuel your body. Some days I feel really bloated and other days I feel like I haven't gotten enough to eat...I feel like I am running on a hamster wheel and I keep facing the same issues. 

I know there are more important things in the world but this is a real struggle for me. I have worked so hard and come too far to feel like I am sliding backwards. On the advice of a friend, who is a registered dietitian I have hid my scale deep in the back of a closet and try to focus on other things. This will be hard but the whole thing is frustrated. How do I stop...I don't want to go backwards...stay tuned.

What a Difference 6 Years Can Make

2019

Exactly six years ago today I ran the 2013 Lake Effect Half Marathon. It was the second year of this race and the previous year the race had earned recognition from Runner's World Magazine. Yes the running community of Central New York, one that I had embraced as my adoptive home town, thinks it is normal to run a half marathon in the middle of February in the snowiest city in America!

Well today I did the same half marathon, and once again the Syracuse weather did not let us down. We had sun, wind, rain, hail...did I mention the wind? It is actually a great race, well run, and always a place where you can catch up with old friends on and along the course.

I entered today's race not planning on breaking any records but was using the day as another training day. In the words of my coach, "keeping my eyes on the prize"...Ironman Lake Placid. However, in the back of my mind I kept thinking about the person who ran this same course in 2013.

2013

In 2013 I crossed the finish line in 3:10:06 with a 14:13 per mile pace. I showed up to the start lines and pushed my way through to the finish lines. The races weren't always pretty and often I was the last person on the course but I didn't give up. I loved the run, as hard as it was, I loved it.

Today I finished the course is 2:24:10 with a 10:58 per mile pace. I did not hit a personal best today. I missed that by just under 3 minutes. However, I felt strong throughout the whole race. Even when I was heading into a very strong headwind, I continued to push. I wasn't worried about my personal best, since I was viewing this as just a training run. What I thought about throughout the entire course was my finish time in 2013.

I finished the race today with a personal course record, beating my last finish time at the Lake Effect Half Marathon in over 45 minutes. I often joke that you know you are a faster runner when there is still chocolate milk left at the finish line, and there was today. Even though I get to partake in the chocolate milk now a days, I am still shocked by my finish times and pace during training and races. When I finish a race now, I am shocked that I am not the last person on the course.

I don't know who this person is? Where did she come from? I am still very familiar with the girl from 2013 who struggled through 13.1 miles. She is still a big part of my life. I face her demons and struggle every day with her struggles. Every day is a challenge. And every day I work hard to prove to myself I am meant to be on that start line.

I train, compete, and fight in order to prove to that girl in 2013 that she is stronger than she thinks! I still have a long way to go but I embrace where I am today. 45 minutes stronger and faster than 2013. I raise a glass of chocolate milk to who I was and who I still am. Here's to many more miles ahead of me! And thank you to all of my friends and family who encouraged me in 2013 and continue to cheer me on today! I wouldn't be anywhere without you!

Thank you Lake Effect Half Marathon for another wonderful race. I encourage all to try it out...its always an adventure!

2013 finish

2019 

Will iron = Ironman

I have been waiting to use this photo

So as many of you know 2 1/2 years ago I had RNY bariatric weightloss surgery. One of the side effects of the surgery is your body having trouble absorbing nutrients and vitamins. Although I am off medication, I take a number of supplements and vitamins. For many patients they often have trouble regulating their iron levels. For over a year I knew this was a possibility but then my levels started to drop. They put me on an iron supplement once a day, but that didn't seem to work. So they upped the dosage to twice a day. Three months later more blood tests and still no increase.

For the last six months I haven't been feeling 100% but sucked it up as this was my new normal. My GI track has been out of whack and I have just felt a bit off. Of course the question I always get is, am I tired? On a scale from 0-4 how tired do I feel. My answer back to them is; I am training for an Ironman, I work full time and my job requires some travel, and I am working towards my doctorate full time...yeah by the end of the day I am tired!

After several tries of trying to get my numbers up my doctors and nutritionist decided to send me to a hematologist (who when I met him was wonderful and put me at ease). I will admit I didn't know what this all meant. Yes, some of my iron levels were low but was does that mean? What are normal levels? After meeting with the hematologist he did more blood work, I have been poked and prodded a lot lately, and decided that 6 months of my ferratin and Iron %saturation levels being too low was not good. So he scheduled me for an iron infusion? A WHAT? An iron infusion. This is a process that by using an IV drip they push iron into your body. They scheduled me for two treatments.

My first treatment was Monday. I was nervous, I will admit, a bit scared, because I didn't know what to expect. The nurses at the clinic were fabulous. They put me at ease and answered all my questions. It took about an hour. There was no pain and needles don't bother me at all. The nurses also discovered by reading my chart that I am training for an ironman. They found it this funny since I was there for an iron treatment but excited for me. I found it funny that the information I shared with the doctor and nurses during my initial visit made it into my chart.

The tough part about this one hour visit was the fact that I was in the Hematology and Oncology office. While sitting in my very comfortable recliner next to me were patients having chemo treatments. In fact when I first arrived a woman was taking a selfie with her husband because she had just completed her seventh treatment. It was very humbling for me. I had the opportunity in my life to work for 5 years for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I was able to work with some amazing individuals and work for some incredible people we liked to call heroes. I fought every day for these individuals and for the mission of the Society. However, this day during my treatment, it made me very mindful that yeah I am fighting to make it to the start line of the Ironman Lake Placid but these individuals are fighting for their life. Although I was scared, I am blessed and thankful that I could still workout that day and take it one day at a time towards the finish line. When I left the clinic I went into my car said a prayer and cried for a few minutes.

I have one more treatment left in this round and that will be next week. The follow-up plan is to wait two months, take more blood, and see what happens. On a side note the GI track being out of whack could be a side affect of the iron levels but we are working on figuring that out too at this time. But I will save all that information for another time. I am hoping this extra iron gives me an extra boost. Either way I am not giving up the fight. I have the opportunity to train and I am not going to waste it...I will keep fighting and training for those who cannot.

Keep Moving ...#onestepclosertothefinishline

13 days into training and back to school

I am 13 days into my Ironman training and so far so good. I have a long road ahead of me but 13 days in and I don't hate it and I am still enjoying my bike. I just keep telling myself that every day, every workout, and every sacrifice gets me one step closer to the finish line.

I absolutely love to swim. The water relaxes me and on most days I look forward to going to the pool (or open water). I love the quietness of the swim, the only sound you hear is the water rushing by your ears...it's just you and the water.

For years I would get in the pool and just start the stopwatch on my watch. I would hit start and stop. Just this week I realized that I could break my workout down into intervals on my watch. I know I am a genius!! However, due to the fact that I was doing one arm drills and that there isn't a GPS satellite in the natatorium, the watch did not pick up the additional 50 yards I did. Oh well...the important thing is that I did it.

Saturday I had a spin on my bike trainer 2 hours and 15 minutes and I covered 32.2 miles. Earlier in the week I had stated that I wanted to hit an average 14.0 miles per hour while on my trainer. My last spin I had hit 13.9 miles per hour...so close but not quite.

On Saturday I got on the bike determined to do the workout but not knowing what I had in me and not feeling it 100%. However, as I peddled, I started to push a bit harder and noticed how close I was. I didn't want to miss it again. So I continued to push and by the end I had hit an average of 14.4 miles per hour.

Sunday morning I had a five mile run on my calendar. It was a beautiful sunny winter morning but a bit chilly. I was instructed that the run needed to be an easy 5 miler. Of course the first mile always lies to you...needed to get adjusted to the cold and the uneven sidewalks with the snow. I enjoyed the run, I felt great, and the sun felt amazing. I have another run tomorrow morning...I already peaked at the weather in the morning...the temperatures will be in the single digits. I got this!

As of today I am 14 days days into my elimination diet. After the recommendation of my medical team I started an elimination diet, cutting out gluten and sugar. I have been having some GI issues and they thought doing this diet would help me figure out some of my problems. I have one more week before I start to slowly bring things back in. Surprisingly it has gone very well. there are a few things that I miss...like my english muffin with peanut button before a workout but I am trying new things. Tonight I made homemade granola (sugar free). I will let you know if it tastes good. I am having some tomorrow. After doing this for two weeks I will admit that I have been feeling better. I think the culprit is sugar more than gluten but time will tell. 

Tomorrow I have my appointment with the hematologist for my issues with low iron. They are looking at my Ferritin levels. I am pretty low...in fact I am about 10 - 11 points below the lower end of the range that women should be. I don't know exactly what this all means or what this appointment will be all about. Life is always an adventure.

Ringing in 2019...what are my goals?

Last year I waited a month before I shared my 2019 goals. I had watched an interview with a woman who shared that she always waited a month before she declared her resolutions. She explained that she took the first month of the year to reflect on the past year. What worked, what didn't and what she really wanted to change. Last year I embraced that suggestion...other than the fact that I call them goals and not resolutions.

For 2018 my word of the year was "work"...going to work, doing school work, and working out. It may not seem like an inspirational word but it was so much of who I was in 2018. I had to balance my life between work, school work and workouts and I think I did pretty well. Looking back on 2018 I planned and hosted some incredible events at work, I held a 3.89 GPA while working towards my doctorate, and completed 13 endurance events. I don't know what my word will be for 2019, I just know I still have a lot of work to do!

I am going to assume that a majority of you know what my #1 goal is for 2019? It will take place 208 days, 4 hours and about 47 minutes from this moment on July 28, 2019.It is my goal to be standing on the edge of Mirror Lake where I will start and finish the Ironman Lake Placid. I have been working towards this for the last 2 1/2 years, as my coach and I mapped out my course.

Of course from this goal every other goal will stem from for 2019. It will take dedication, work, sacrifice, and commitment. As the picture says to the right, my competition isn't other people it is myself. Knowing that I will be training, working and going to school I can't waste time, I need to stay focused.

2018 was good for me. I accomplished a lot and did a lot but I want 2019 to be better. What will it take? This next month will be a time of reflection and putting things into motion. What worked for me last year: morning workouts, heading to work, and then school work at night, will it work for me in 2019. Will it be enough? I am not walking into 2019 naive but I need to do it my way. I also know setting up a schedule may take a few trial and errors until I get it right so my full set of 2019 goals will have to wait and I will get them posted no later than January 31.

I have 365 blank pages to write my book for 2019. Every day a new chapter...a new adventures. I look at 2019 as a new adventure, a new challenge and I don't like to walk away from those.

Looking back on my 2018 adventures I completed:

3 half marathons (PR'ing two of them)
1 full marathon - Philadelphia (so much fun)
Was invited to and competed in the USATriathlon National Championships - Sprint Triathlon
Won first in my age group at the Cazenovia Olympic Triathlon
PR'd the Tipp Hill Run in March (one of my favorites)
Completed another Gillie Girl Sprint Triathlon
Completed another Cayuga Ride for Heart Health Ride - 50 miles

But a few of the highlights in no particular order...
PR'd another Turkey Trot - 4 days after completed the Philadelphia Marathon (I was so cold and my legs were tired...but I did it)
In October I completed the Eastwood 5 miler (another one of my favorites) and PR'd the race by 12 minutes.
In December I completed It's a Wonderful Run in Seneca Falls - surpassing my goal and completed the race with sub-10 minute miles

And finally -- September I completed the Ironman Lake Placid 70.3 -- What a feeling!! You could say I PR'd this race...compared to my attempt at the Ironman Syracuse 70.3 from 2012 (still holds a special place in my heart)!!

I am proud of my accomplishments in 2018. I have so many people to thank who helped me get to this point...too many to list but know I carry you all in my heart! 2019 will be my year! I look forward to what it will bring! I know it will be a lot of work but I am ready to take it on!!

I hope you all have a fabulous New Years!! I look forward to cheering all of you on to your goals!!

Be Safe

Keep moving forward!!

PS: Since I started writing...Lake Placid Ironman is now...208 days 4 hours 5 minutes and 51 seconds!!