Reflecting

December 13, 2015 ...12 days until Christmas. This is the time of year that we or at least I start to reflect on the year gone by and what does the future hold for us. Last year for my new year's resolutions I went with a word that would represent everything. The word was "health". That word represented everything I wanted; getting healthy, fighting my diabetes, and training for races. At the time last year I had only been diagnosed with diabetes for about one month. I was angry, scared and overwhelmed and I hated having this disease. I still hate having this disease and naive me thought I could fight it and get rid of it within a year.

Oh how things change in a year. My word is still "health" and I am still working towards being healthier but some days my diabetes is winning. It has been a frustrating year for me and my medical team. I am exercising almost every day. I completed a 5 mile road race, my 9th half marathon and a 5K open water swim in 2015. I was proud of myself. Looking ahead I have already laid out my race calendar for 2016 (April - September so far) and every day I am working towards those finish lines. The calendar includes 2 more half marathons, a 65 mile bike ride, a triathlon and another open water swim. Food is still a struggle for me but the big frustration is that the medication is not working the way my medical team wants it to work. They believe my body is producing too much insulin and it is rejecting the medication. Of course life happens ... some medications I can't try because my insurance won't cover them and they are wicked expensive for out of pocket. So what will happen in the new year ... only time will tell. So far no resolutions have been made!

Random Thoughts

Random thoughts ... this is sometime what I do when I can't figure out what I really want to say but I have a bunch of random thoughts ...

First thought I am traveling for work, again, and I am watching Jimmy Fallon right now ... I love Jimmy Fallon!!!

Why can't I put everything together ... my workouts have been going well. I like to workout...I like to move, sweat and challenge myself to get better or go further every day...but I struggle with food. I find myself mindlessly eating. I eat when I am not hungry and I don't make good choices when it comes to food. When I travel for work the "travel days" are the worst. Travel days are the ones that you actual travel to get to where you have to go...I spend a lot of time in airports. While I am there I find myself constantly looking for food. Is it because I am hungry, tired or bored?? Doesn't matter I eat. I am feeling out of control!!!

Today I went to lunch and ordered some dessert but asked if I could order it to go ... I thought I will eat this piece of cake a few bites at a time over the next few days. Well I left the restaurant and while I was sitting at a light, waiting to turn left, I saw a gentleman holding a sign saying he is a vet and is looking to get home so he was asking for money. I didn't have any cash on me so I turned left when the light turned green. As I turned the bag with my cake inside slid on the seat and I thought to myself I didn't need this cake ... I turned around and headed back to the street where I saw the man. I explained that I didn't have any cash but I would share my dessert with him. He blessed me and wished me a Merry Christmas!

On Pinterest tonight there was a "pin" that listed  "The 10 worst Fast Foods for Diabetics" ... that would be for me since I am a Diabetic...Here they are:
1. French Fries
2. White Tortilla recipes
3. Cookies
4. Chips
5. Chicken Nuggets
6. Bagels
7. Milkshakes
8. Pizza
9. Hamburgers
10. Soda

Yeah I am a mess since I still eat 8 out of the 10 items listed. I think I am living on the edge and I need to back away ... I haven't been feel well and I need to make a change.

Well I think my random thoughts turned into a post...
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Getting Outside

Denver 2015 - Cherry Creek Park

As many of you know I travel a lot for my job. I go from one end of the country to the other. North to South then East to West and I travel by train, planes and automobiles. These trips include hosting events and meetings. Often times friends and family will ask did I get to see this when I was away? Or did I get to go here or there? Unfortunately these trips are not meant for being a tourist. I do take advantage of being in some towns by staying with family and friends so I can save money on my budget but I also get to catch up with people I love and miss.

However, there is one thing I always do when I am away. I always take a little bit of time for myself and get my workouts in. While running or walking through a city I purposely map out a route so I can see some sights. In San Francisco it was Presidio Park and Alcatraz; in DC it is running on the Mall in the early morning and in Chicago it is running along the River Walk. You can see so much when you head out for a workout. It is a cheap, easy and healthy way to be a tourist.

When I am in Boston, if my overnight stay has me near the Financial District, there is a 3 mile route that I run that I call my "history tour". It takes me by the cemetery where Sam Adams is buried; past the state house; through the commons; onto Milk Street (Where Ben Franklin was born) and finally along the warfs and the harbor. I often think I should right all my routes down and share them with people if they plan to visit the same areas I do. When in DC one of my favorite places to run is along the Mall. If you get their early enough you can see the sun rise over the Capital and the Washington Monument.

I thought about this recently when staying in Denver. The hotel where I was staying was on a great recreation trail. This trail was miles and miles long and was soooo active no matter what time of day. I took advantage of the fact that I could exit the front door of the hotel and literally be steps away from the trail. I find it takes me some time to become used to the altitude in Denver, so this trip my workouts were walks in order to get through them. However, I was moving and enjoying being outside in Colorado.

I highly recommend this to everyone when they travel. You have to get your workouts in and being on a treadmill in a hotel "fitness center" is never fun. Get outside and see the city, explore what it has to offer and take some time for yourself. My travel schedule usually has me working out in the morning and it is a beautiful and peaceful time to enjoy the area.

Chicago - Running along the River Walk

San Francisco - 2015 The view of Alcatraz from Presidio Park

Washington, DC 2015 - An early morning run on the Mall

Boston - 2014 The view of the Pru

Approaching the one year anniversary ... not a time to celebrate

Friday will be a year since I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. This year has been a roller coaster and on so many days it feels like an uphill battle. I know what many of my friends are thinking, "hills build character". If that is the case then I have built a lot of character within the last 365 days. I will never forget that day as long as I live...the day I heard you are a diabetic. As I have shared with you in the past I was never warned with being pre-diabetic and at that point I had lost 25 pounds and I was an active individual. Since that day I have been scared, angry and overwhelmed. I have lost an additional 10 pounds and I completed a 5K open water swim (3.1 miles) and a half marathon in Brooklyn. I am currently training for another half in April and a 65 mile bike ride in June. I also have my sites on two triathlons and I want to do the open water swim again.

However, in the last few months I have been very lackadaisical towards my diabetes. I have been lazy when it comes to checking my blood ... and when I do my numbers are high and this makes me upset and discouraged. The bathroom scale has not moved much in either direction and this can be frustrating. I continue to move and feel great when I am working out but this doesn't seem to be helping the big problem. I am not saying that I am giving up on it, because I do love the workouts but sometimes you ask yourself I am doing this why?

I feel like I am a hamster in a cage on an exercise wheel going no where!! I am trapped.

Is she frustrated, you ask ... yes I am. I am stuck in a very large corn maze and I can't get out. I am not looking for sympathy, just sharing my frustrations.

Half Marathon

Saturday, October 10, 2015 at 11:15 am I completed my 9^th half marathon. I stood at the start line in Brooklyn, NY along with 17,499 other people and ran 13.1 miles through the streets of Brooklyn in the Inaugural Rock n Roll Half Marathon.  I completed the course in 3:17 (two minutes slower than I wanted) but I did it, despite fighting a cold the five days leading up to the race. It was the perfect running day, not too cold and not too hot, sunny with a nice breeze. As my friend Moira and I would always describe these days when we ran cross country in high school, “perfect apple picking weather”! I ran the first 8 miles and kept a nice pace. Mile 9 -11 I did a run walk and started to slow down a bit. The last two miles were tough. My plantar fasciitis was acting up and I couldn’t wait for the race to end. At that point in the race you see everyone who finished ahead of you with their medals on walking to their cars or the subway and it makes you want to finish even more.

My friend Lynne was waiting for me at the finish. She was a trooper; she got out of bed at 4:30 am and headed to the start line with me. We took the subway from Manhattan to Brooklyn, the Q train, with so many other runners who had the same crazy idea as I did. When we sat on the train the nerves started to take over. I didn’t know anyone else running this race, what made me decide to pick this race? (Well I know why I picked this race but that is another story for another time). I was nervous that the head cold that I had would really affect me during the race. Did I train enough for this race? I had doubts and fears running through my head as the train moved its way to Brooklyn. What was I doing?

We arrived in Brooklyn, walked towards Prospect Park, stood in the porta potty lines and then said good bye to Lynne. I headed to the security lines where every runner had to pass through a metal detector. I miss the good old days where we used to feel safe on a race course and trusted the people around us.  After I made it through security I headed to the corals where we stood and waited. Due to so many people running the race, there were delays in the security lines and also clearing the course. I finally started at 7:57 am. 

Team In Training (TNT), the endurance fundraising program of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, had teams of runners and walkers there. I worked for TNT for five years and of course I had to talk to as many participants as possible. I met runners from Savannah, GA and Portland Oregon as well as many from New York and New Jersey. It brought me back to a place when I was first introduced to the endurance running world.  It brought me back to a time when I loved running as many races as possible. And I couldn’t wait to cheer on anyone who had a goal and a dream!

When I got home on Monday, October 12^th I hung my medal with my other half marathon medals and realized it had been 2 years and 8 months since my last half marathon. I couldn’t believe it had been that long. I had not planned that long of a hiatus from running but it happened. It felt good to be out there again. I don’t want to lose that feeling or desire again. Although my wallet and schedule don’t let me run as many races as I want, I would like to run as many as I can. As of today my next half will be on April 3^rd. And as I train I want to get stronger, physically and mentally. I can’t just talk a big game; I have to live it every day. My health is so important to my goals of wanting to continue running and completing more triathlons. It is not just about the miles on the road but about how I treat myself.

While I was running this past weekend, I saw a woman running for Team In Training. She and I would pass each other. At this moment I cannot remember what chapter she was from but I do remember one thing as clear as day. Written across the back of her jersey was the word “Survivor”. This woman had survived a blood cancer. She was out on the course completing 13.1 miles because she was alive. She looked cancer in the eyes and said you aren’t going to win. I became a bit emotional at that moment not for her but for me. I realized how often I ignored my disease, there were so many days I won’t look it in the eye because I don’t want to face it. Why didn’t I look at my disease the same way this woman looked at her cancer and tell it you aren’t going to win today? Why do I let the diabetes get the best of me? I am not the type of person who likes to let others win … so why am I letting the diabetes win? When will I wake up and begin to fight for my life?

Fat Wednesday

Tonight is the last night of my old life ... Tomorrow is the first day of my new life. Tomorrow my rut will end. I will begin my journey to achieve my new goals. I will move forward and not look back. I am the most important thing in my life. It will be hard but it will be worth it.

Decisions, goals and a funk...

Sorry for the delay, life has been a bit busy. I actually made a decision based on my last blog a couple of weeks ago. Two weeks ago I ran in a five mile race. I felt great that day. I ran the entire race and kept a steady pace the entire way. A week ago I did my long run leading up to my half marathon which is scheduled for October 10th. This past Sunday I walked for about 40 minutes after working all weekend. The problem is that I haven't done anything else. I have been in a funk or a rut. But I digress, I will get back to my decision and share that first. During the two runs I made the decision to go back to basics. I will sign up for two triathlons like did back in 2001. The first for the 2016 season will be in June and the second will be in July. I am still deciding on exactly which triathlon race I will do but I have it narrowed down to just a few. I also decided that I will complete the 3 mile swim again in August and of course try and beat my time. And the final thing that I decided was I want to participate in the Diabetes Ride (cycle) in Syracuse (no I haven't decided on the distance yet). So there it is my schedule and goals for the spring/summer of 2016. Now back to my rut ... I don't know what is going on. I lay out my gym clothes every day but I either don't get up in time or I don't go to the gym after work. The scale hasn't looked good and my diabetes numbers are paying the price. I will say that by not working out it affects so much ... my mood, my self esteem, my sleep and so much more. I know I want to work out but something is keeping me in this rut. Tonight I told myself that I had until September 30th to continue to feel sorry for myself but come October 1st that was it ... I had to get moving. Training must begin and I physically can't afford to continue this. Tonight I went onto Pinterest and read my board on motivation. It helped a bit, I saw one post that said, "imagine yourself in 6 months from now, don't stop it will be worth it". Six months from October 1st is April 1st ... can I do it? Another one read, "look in the mirror, that is your competition". That is so true ...The person in the mirror can be my best friend or my biggest rival. Will she hold me back or will I pass her? The final post I read was, "God has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggle and a gift for your faithfulness. Don't give up". AMEN!!

Stay tuned!!