What is My Why?

I am not searching for my "why" when it comes to my workouts or training. Even though races have been cancelled, running and training has not and I still have goals. I am taking advantage of the time off to really focus on my workouts, despite the hot and humid weather. 

I am still working on the goals I set for 2020 and will see those through. I have already started to think about my training goals and race goals for 2021 and 2022. We may be in a pandemic but as long as I am healthy, I will keep moving.

The why I am searching for has to do with another journey I am currently on. It has to do with another marathon that has a finish line but follows a different course. It has to do with my dissertation research!

I cannot seem to get focused or stay focused on what I need to be doing. At the end of April I had to transfer to a different University in order to complete my dissertation, I believe I have shared this with you. As a result of that transfer I had to take a few additional seminar classes. While taking those classes I put my research on hold. Now that those are done and I got through a move to a new area I can't seem to have the energy to do my research and I have soooooo much to do!!

I need to figure out a way to get refocused and re-energized. I need to find my "Why". I have come so far, spent so much money not to see this thing through. And it is more than the money, I have wanted this for so long!!

I remember when I wanted to start being morning person and get my workouts done early. I worked so hard on that for a few different reasons; 1. I didn't want to talk myself out of my workouts later in the day and 2. it gave me time to get my school work done after work without worrying about my workouts. I shared my plan with people in order to hold myself accountable and each day I would set my alarm early in order to get things done. I then would check-in to let others know I got it done. 

In my current situation I have absolutely no excuses not to get it done. I have some time off and nothing to distract me...yet I find a way to sabotage myself. This is so important to me, I do want this...but I am feeling overwhelmed and wondering where I should start. Where do I begin?

I have to remember my "Why". I have to treat this like my morning goal routine and for a few weeks work on it first thing in the AM. I need to set my alarm and get up early and attack the research. I need to hold myself accountable. I need to keep my eyes on the prize. And in the words of a dear friend, "stay the course". 

Keep moving forward!!

Keeping My Eye on the Prize

I never thought when this pandemic started to hit this country back in March that it would affect my graduate program. In February I learned that my graduate school was closing, due to financial reasons, and that I needed to find another school to transfer into. All of this made for a fun winter. 

In mid-March, like so many others, our office was closed and we were forced to work from home. This also disrupted my normal routine, after work I would find myself at the library or at a cafe ready to focus on my research and classwork. Well when the school shut down so did the library and restaurants. So I was now forced to sit at the same spot for work and school and just continue throughout the day. 

My school closed down on April 24, I submitted my last assignment, and on Monday, April 27, I was to start a new class at a new school. Due to transferring into a new program, I needed to take an additional class for 8 weeks which I was not very excited about as well as continue my dissertation research.

It seems all so simple, like I said I never thought what was happening in the world around me would actually affect me. Boy was I wrong. April 24th I officially finished at Concordia University - Portland and I was also furloughed from my job. However, grad school must go on. April 27 I officially started at Concordia University - Wisconsin, in which I had to learn a whole new system and take additional classes. During all of this I was trying to figure out this life of no work, interviewing for new jobs and surviving a pandemic.

Slowly job searching and surviving became more of a priority over school. I did the work that needed to be done for this additional class but my research was put on the back burner. I just didn't have the passion to work on it. I shared this all with my advisor and he said, many people are surprised how this pandemic has affected them. 

I finished that last class about a week ago, moved to Massachusetts, and now waiting for a new job to start. With all this in mind, I decided I needed to get refocused. I need to keep my eye on the prize. Finish what I started. Earning my doctorate has been a goal and dream of mine for a LONG time and I can't lose my focus. 

It's time to get refocused, re-engaged, and make my research a priority. In some ways I feel like I am starting over but really I just need to get organized. I am not giving up!! I can hear my friend Mindy Lu telling me, "stay the course"!!

Keeping my eyes on the prize!!

Frustrated ...

So three weeks ago I did some math to figure out how many calories I should actually be eating to lose weight. I was reading a book about nutrition and marathon training. The number I came up with was based on my current weight and did not take into account the number of calories I burn while working out. According to the final answer I was eating about 300 calories less than I had been. So I decided to increase the number to see if this would help me lose some weight that I have been struggling to take off.

I just want to lose 10 pounds...I am not asking for too much...10 pounds would be great. Well I weighed myself today and I have not lost an ounce!! What is going on??? I workout, I take in plenty of protein, I eat as much fruits and veggies as my body can handle, I do not over eat on cookies or chips...but yet I can't lose weight.

Maybe this is where I am supposed to be...maybe 1XX (I almost told you my weight...God doesn't even know) is where I need to be...I will admit I have not done any strength conditioning in about two weeks. Between the packing and moving I decided to take a break and not stress over it. However, I don't think that would make a huge difference. It hadn't made a difference when I was lifting 3 days a week for 4 weeks prior to the move so I don't think missing the past two weeks is the problem. I am not saying I won't get back to it, because it is important, it just isn't the problem.

Well this week I am going to start a 30 day program with Isagenix. It is a program that uses protein shakes, which have always been encouraged by my bariatric weightloss team. They did not encourage a specific company but getting my protein in using shakes. I never jumped on that train because I never had a problem getting my protein in. But I figure it can't hurt to try. Basically I would use two shakes a day as replacement meals, take in two snacks and one meal. And each day I can vary how and when I want to take in the shakes. For example one day I may want to have breakfast as my big meal and shakes at lunch and dinner or the opposite.

My clothes still fit; I feel fine; I am getting my workouts in but I want  the scale to move. It is a mental game with me...I want to see the magic number. I want to lose 10 but at this point 5 would be great. I just think I would feel a lot better about myself.

I hope everyone is doing well...I will keep you posted.