Wasting Time

Over the years I have tried to keep religion and politics out of this blog. Until today, I have to talk about religion a bit in order to talk about other things. Ash Wednesday was February 26th, the first day of Lent. The 40+ days in which Christians all over the world prepare for the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. By Christian standards this is the big one. For Catholics this is where are "Catholic Guilt" really gets tested. This is the time when Christians sacrifice, and give things up.

The sacrifice is supposed to be a type of fasting, it is supposed to help an individual repent. What one chooses to "give up" is supposed to have an impact on that person's life. The sacrifice is supposed to represent the 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert prior to Passover.

Over the years I have given up tea, I know a BIG one! And it was for me and everyone around me! I have given up food or drinks. I have even taken things on instead, such as going to Mass every morning. This of course was easy to do when you went to a Catholic School and Mass started and ended before the bell rang!

This year I thought long and hard about this and I decided I would give up Facebook. Of course, I decided this before a pandemic hit and we were all forced to work from home and keep our "social distance" from people. This has made it difficult to check on friends, to see how things are going etc. When I decided to give up Facebook, I also decided to take something on. What I have taken on is reading a book written by Matthew Kelly called Resisting Happiness. It is published by the group Dynamic Catholic, if that gives you any idea what the book could be about. It is actually a good book and not the first one I have read by Mr. Kelly.

By reading this book and keeping my social distance away from everyone, I have been thinking a lot. And one thing I have thought about is, why did I choose to give Facebook up for Lent? What did I want out of that sacrifice? It is often shared that the Lenten sacrifice is supposed to have an impact on your own life. I am not asking these questions so I can get back on Facebook and give up but to really discover the "Why?". There are about 15 days until Easter and I would rather discover something about myself than just do it to say I did it.

One reason I said I wanted to give up on Facebook is because I found myself spending quite a bit of time on it and wasting a lot of time. I wouldn't define myself a procrastinator, but I waste time and don't get everything done. I try to prioritize what needs to be done; work, school work, and workouts. But I should have plenty of time to get other things done but my "to-do" list is either rushed, I have to say no to doing things, or things remain on the list not touched.

I find myself just scrolling, searching for something, but not finding it. Often, I have to get on Facebook for work. I am an admin for several pages/groups associated with the alumni at IC. During this WFH time, I have jumped on to add a few things and gave myself permission to check on a few people. Once again, I found myself just scrolling after I checked on friends and read a few posts. What am I looking for?

The other day I was listening to a webinar about "Changing your Mindset". It was hosted by the Alumni Office at IC so many of us jumped on during our lunch hour to listen. The presenter was great and informative, but I never got that "aha" moment during the presentation. I don't think it was the individual presenting it was me. It had me thinking again. As I listen to podcasts, TED Talks, and webinars, I find myself waiting to hear something that will move me or give me that "aha" moment but often I walk away not swayed.

Lately, I feel I am always searching but I never find it. I scroll and waste time...I go back to that social media page 10 minutes later thinking I am going to find something different. The big question I have to ask myself as we have 15 days left of Lent, not that I have to end there, "WHAT AM I LOOKING FOR???"

This is what I need to figure out -- I want to do so much, I have so much on my "to do" list and I end up of wasting so much time... This is what I need to work on, wasting time, not shutting people out. Maybe by not wasting time, I will have the time to find what I am looking for!

Stay healthy and safe everyone! And remember to wash your hands!!

Day 82 of 2020

 So after last weeks Blog entry I realized that I had not posted since New Year's day (again I would love a mulligan on this year). I decided to go back and review my goals for 2020 to see how I was doing so far. We are only 82 days in and we have 283 to go (yes I did the math in my head). The best is yet to come, right?!?!

So one of the goals I set for myself was a 100 days challenge and once again doing math in my head I have 18 days left on this challenge. I said I would go "No Sugar" for 100 days, Strength Train for 100 days, Journal/notebook, knit, and declutter. And for the most part I am doing well. I had a few slip ups along the way but I haven't given up.

In regards to the "no sugar" my system is so much better without sugar. And when I say sugar I try very hard not to eat process sugar or anything that lists "sugar" in the first five ingredients. So I try to follow this to the best of my ability. I would be lying to you if I said I was perfect. For example, valentine's day, we had a little party for our students at work and there was so many fabulous treats that I could not resist. However, I paid the price after I ate it.

I will admit I have not incorporated strength training into my life every day but I have been doing in at least 2 times a week. I think it's pretty good for someone who doesn't really enjoy it. I have found it challenging, which isn't a bad thing. I have been knitting, which I love, but there have been a few days I have missed it. However, I leave whatever project I am working on right on the couch so I can pick it up at anytime even for a few minutes.

One hundred days of journaling/notebooking...yes, I have been doing that...every day. I have created a habit I absolutely love and look forward to doing every day. Some days I write on page after page and on other days it could be a paragraph but I am doing it. A friend of mine started this Facebook group/challenge #100daysofNotebooking which of course I joined. This pushed me to do something I didn't do on a regular basis. Yes I have journal-ed in the past but not every day. She has not changed the group to #100DaysofNotebooking and beyond. And yes, I will keep writing.

I never started the declutting challenge. My coach advised me against it...well she advised me against doing so many challenges and said which one could I put off until later? I chose the 100 days of decluttering. However, when lent started I brought reading into my schedule, I read everyday just for a short period of time, but I read. And now that this "self-quarantine" has started, I stared decluttering this weekend.

So even though these goals have not been perfect for the last 82 days I haven't given up!! Which I think is a good thing. Research shows that most New Year's Resolutions are broken after the first month and we are into March!!

I also checked out the list of races I was planning on completing and the list of goals around those. Of course, like many of you, many of my races have been cancelled or turned into virtual races. It is disappointing but we all know it is for the best! This of course means I have to rethink my race goals. I did complete a half marathon in February, it wasn't pretty but I got across the finish line. I missed a four-miler, The Tipp Hill Shamrock Run, due to work obligations earlier this month. Two other half marathons have been cancelled that were scheduled for April and the Mountain Goat 10 miler has been cancelled too which was scheduled for early May. I will still be getting the miles in on the days these races were scheduled but it will be done virtually not on the race courses.

I have Three more sprint triathlons scheduled for May, July, and August and a 70.3 in June. And come October, I plan to run the Hartford Full Marathon. With that being said my A races are now the 70.3 in June and the Hartford Marathon in October. Fingers crossed nothing happens with those races.

My goal for the 70.3 race is to be faster and finish stronger than I did last year. I have been working

hard on the bike to make sure that happens but it hasn't been easy. I just keep pushing myself hoping every day I get a bit stronger and a bit faster. My runs haven't been going my way. I have been struggling out on the road and trying to get the distance. I can't believe how much can change in four months. My times have been slower and it hasn't been fun.

One of my goals was to get out of my head while running. I wanted to end the negative talk and self doubt. I have been working on that slowly. I started going out for runs and not worry about my time or the distance. I have been trying to enjoy running again and just let my body do what it wants. I often say that I love running, and I do, but lately I haven't liked it very much. On Friday, I had a fabulous run with times I haven't seen in a while. I felt great. Today I went out, same route, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. I felt like I was dragging weights with me. So needless to say I am still working on getting out of my head while running! I haven't given up because I want to see the times I saw this past fall or I should say faster times than this past fall.

Well everyone, stay safe and healthy!! Remember to wash your hands and hopefully we will be able to see everyone soon!!

PS: Did you know in the state of NY liquor stores are essential businesses!! Gotta love NY.

2020 -- Can we start over??

I have to admit 2020 has not been going as smoothly as I would like. I was injured in January and ended up in PT. My physical therapists were awesome but it set me back a bit.

Soon after that I received word that the university where I am working towards my doctorate will close the end of April. Being in higher education I have read so many articles about schools struggling, merging, and closing due to low numbers and financial reasons. I just never thought it would hit so close to home. This added some stress and anxiety to my life. It is starting to work out but not what I wanted to deal with as I was entering the last year of my doctoral program.

Now we are facing Coronavirus (COVID - 19). As an athlete it breaks my heart to see so many sporting events, tournaments, championships, and races cancelling. It has affected me personally as two races I was registered to run have cancelled, as of this past week. Professionally the college where I work, like so many others, is closing for a few weeks. We have had to cancel events and travel. And now we are working remotely from home. Restaurants and bars in some states are being forced to close. It is important to control this decease as it is bringing not only the disease and illness but also lots of anxiety and uneasiness to so many.

CAN WE PLEASE GET A DO OVER???

And this is only a few of things I have personally going on. I am about to get a bit personal or very vulnerable I should say. I have been struggling...trying to get into a positive head space. I saw the picture I posted above on Instagram and it made me think. What do I want to accomplish in 6 months. I feel overwhelmed on some days having too many goals or too many things to work on  ... work, school, workouts, my weight...world peace! I can't seem to choose one that is more important than the other.

So I really started to think about what I really want. I shared this with my coach and now I am sharing it with you (I realize I am announcing this but I need some accountability). I want to be happy. In six months I want to be happy. Not being in the right head space has caused me not to be happy. I know you can wake up every day and determine your happiness and I do try that but sometimes the outside sources get in the way. I have never really felt like this before so this is all new to me.

I want to be happy with who I am ... with what I am doing...with what I am accomplishing.

What are my excuses? Why am I holding myself back? Am I letting myself be happy. I once read that Maturity comes when you stop making excuses and start making changes. I am ready to make changes. I know so much affects my happiness... my workouts, my weight, my school work etc I let the negative talk distract me and I end up in my head too much.

I told myself I need to stop talking about it and start doing it. It always comes back to Spirit Mind and Body. The mission/vision/philosophical theory of Springfield College (my alma mater)...If you don't build the body and educate the mind your spirit will crumble. If I want to work towards happiness (my spirit) I need to kick my workouts up a notch...become stronger and lose some weight (Body) and go strong on my research for my dissertation (mind). September will be here before we know it!!

Step One -- I have a problem -- I have a goal

It always leads back to my weight (a constant struggle) and my workouts. I need to get stronger and faster.

Day One was today --- tell you all about it and go out for a run and let myself enjoy it. It was a beautiful day, don't worry about time or distance...just run. I did 6 miles. I still love running but lately I haven't liked it very much.

Keep moving forward.