I SEE YOU!

Recently I have been wanting to say so much about Ahmaud Arbery, Christian Cooper, and George Floyd but I have held back, afraid to say the wrong thing or have my words and thoughts seem meaningless on a Facebook post. When I read and listen to the news about Ahmaud, Christian, and George instantly my friends faces appear in my mind Brian, Joe, Cornell, Bill, David, Reggie…

I can’t keep silent anymore. My silence isn’t helping. I decided to post my thoughts here because I have always said that my blog is a place of honesty and I show my true struggles.

When the story was shared on the news about Ahmaud, months after he was killed, I was shocked and angry. I instantly thought about the 100s and 100s + runs I had been on and no one had every stopped me, questioning why I was running in a particular neighborhood. I often drive to different neighborhoods to run and I have never been questioned. And I thought back to the construction sights I have passed on my runs and praised God when I have seen a porta potty that I could use. Too many times to count the number of times I have entered a construction sight and used a porta potty without being stopped or questioned (yes, I always looked for security cameras). I have never run in fear, even at night in Central Park. No one should run in fear! I see you Ahmaud!

When the story of Christian Cooper was shared, I watched the video and thought to myself this woman is crazy and how was Christian threatening her? I did post on social media after her job fired her and I applauded them but then my focus went to the dog and how she was handling her dog in the video. I apologize for that; I took the focus off the real victim Christian Cooper. I see you Christian.

Yesterday, my friend Brian wrote a post on Facebook to his white friends and family…” Do you see me? Do you really see me?” it brought me to tears as I read it. Brian is a husband, a father, a brother, a friend…I see you Brian!

I can not stand in your shoes; I cannot begin to understand how you feel but I can stand with you. This has to stop. I am sorry, I hear you, and I SEE YOU!!

My goal for the fall of 2020!

Two weeks ago when I wrote my last post I shared some updates in my life and also shared that I had a new goal I wanted to attack and I needed to wait for my coaches blessing before I shared it with the world. A few of you asked me what that goal was so now I am sharing it with all of you because I believe that if you put it out into the universe, there is no going back and you have to work as hard as you can to try and achieve it.

Like so many of you, I am sure, many of my races have been cancelled or changed to virtual events. I have participated in three virtual races so far. And as much as it is fun to change up your training and do a virtual race, I miss the excitement of being around other competitors, hearing the crowds along the course, reading the signs of encouragement that make me laugh so often, and seeing your time as you cross the finish line.

This summer I was scheduled to complete four triathlons, two sprints, an Olympic distance, and the Tupper Lake Tinman 70.3. As of today, two of the four have officially cancelled in person races and I have decided to defer those until 2021. On June 27 I was scheduled to complete the Tupper Lake Tinman. I completed the race last year and I loved the course and the event! Last year I had a great time but I wanted to go back stronger and ready to attack the course. When they announced the event would be cancelled due to Covid 19, they offered each participant the option of doing a virtual race or deferring their entry until 2021. I decided I couldn't do this one virtually and deferred my entry.

As soon as they cancelled this race I decided to set my sights on my fall marathon, the Hartford
Marathon in October. Yes, I still had two sprint triathlons on the schedule and if those continue as planned, I will compete, but they are not my big goals. The Hartford Marathon is my goal! Yes, I have completed a marathon before, five to be exact, but during this race it is my goal to finally complete the 26.2 course in sub five hours!!

My last marathon, The Wineglass Marathon in October 2019, I took 16 minutes off my time, completing the course in 5 hours and 12 minutes. It is my goal to complete the Hartford Marathon in under five hours! When I shared this with my coach she was very excited for me. She shared a story of the first time she qualified for Kona. She set her sights on only one Ironman, Lake Placid, and all of her training went into that race. She believes that focusing on this one race will have me crossing the finish line in under five hours!!

About a week in a half ago I completed two virtual races in one weekend. A Duathlon on a Saturday, the Cinco de Duo and the annual Mountain Goat 10 miler on a Sunday. As we were approaching the weekend my coach was going over my game plan and how I should approach them. After she shared the plan she stated, once this weekend is over, we will have a recovery week and then we are heading into marathon training! I could feel her excitement as she typed those words, and I think I even heard an evil laugh, which scared me a bit (just kidding I didn't hear an evil laugh). But she is ready to get me focused on my goal, to be confident at the start line, and cross that finish line completing what I set out to do!

So I am begging everyone...wash your hands, wear your masks, stay at home or at least 6 feet apart as much as possible, and PLEASE GOD LET THIS RACE HAPPEN!!!

Keep moving forward! Stay Strong!

2020 The Year of the Rat

April 24 became a day filled with change. Some I was prepared for, other changes I was not. On April 24 the school I had been attending for 3 years working toward my doctorate officially closed. The following Monday, April 27 I started at a new school...didn't skip a beat...there is work to be done. Well I skipped a few beats as I tried to figure our the University's online system but I kept moving forward.

On that same day, April 24, I was "furloughed" from my job at Ithaca College. I put the word furlough in quotes because unlike other furloughs I do not have an anticipated return date. Seven plus years of passion, pride, endless hours, constant travel, taken away.

Since that day I have been on an emotional roller coaster, I have been upset, I have been MAD, but I will be Okay. My future will workout and I will figure it out. I have reminded myself on countless occasions that I am strong, I am smart and I believe. And most importantly, I am an IRONMAN!!

During this pandemic, many institutions have been on hiring freezes leaving few options as far as job openings are concerned. However, I have had some opportunities to apply and I will not quit! I am a survivor and I will land on my feet because I believe.

Earlier in the week a friend that I met through Ithaca College called me and reminded me that 2020 is the year of the Rat for the Chinese New Year. I had to laugh because I am not a huge fan of rats. She explained that it was the first animal in the cycle so it signifies a new beginning. So many people are going through tough times and change but change can be positive, it can be a new beginning! So here's to the year of the Rat!!

This is also the week on Facebook that memories come up about a half marathon I have done a few times in Rochester. It is the Flower City Half Marathon. A race that I love for so many reasons. The first time I did this race was 2010. It was my comeback race. I signed up for the race as a goal to get me off the couch. In 2008 I had an ankle injury that ended with surgery. It took about a year to heal with PT and other issues but instead of getting right back to running in 2009 I got right back to the couch. I was in a funk and I did nothing. So I made the decision late in 2009 early 2010 that I would run the half in Rochester. I completed the half in 3 hours and 26 minutes and I was the last person on the course!! Two years later (2012) I went back to do the race again and I completed it in 2 hours and 55 minutes and this time I waited for the last person to finish the race. I went back again in 2017 because I love that race and PR'd the course and had a personal PR. In April of 2018 I did a half marathon in DC, The National Women's Half Marathon. I PR'd that day, finish time of 2:21:21...a time I have not been able to beat since! I keep trying but it hasn't happened yet...someday!

I share these stories because these races remind me of who I am, I am a fighter...I am determined and I will finish a race no matter how ugly it looks!! What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. So these bumps in the road, transferring schools and being "furloughed" will not kill me, no they will make me stronger!!

I choose to be stronger because of life's unavoidable disappointments. As races have been cancelled one by one this season, you often ask yourself what am I training for? I train for life to stay strong and to be ready when the start lines are open again. But I also look at it as yes, a race has been cancelled and I am disappointed that so many goals can't be reached this year, but I will adjust the sails and follow a new path to a new goal.

Just last night I sent a new goal to my coach that I hope to focus on over the next 5 + months.  I am hoping that she doesn't think I am nuts. I am excited to see where this journey will take me! I will share this new goal with you as soon as she gives me the green light!!

During this uneasy time, fear of getting sick, fear that your loved ones will be sick, losing a job, switching schools, not being able to see friends and family, my emotions are running high and low. However, I can't lose faith and I need to believe we will come out of this better and stronger than before. I can not give up on school, I have worked too hard. I can not let a "furlough" define me, I am better than that. I still have goals to achieve! I will become stronger because of life's unavoidable disappointments!

Stay Strong! Stay Healthy! Keep Showing Up!!