A special way to say good-bye

Almost two months ago I received a call from a friend who shared with me that a mutual friend had pass away that day. I was in complete shock. At first the tears wouldn't even fall because I couldn't believe it and I didn't want to believe it. I had know this individual for almost 12 years, he in fact was the person who coached me through my first marathon in 2005 and my first 70.3 Half Ironman in 2012. He was an unbelievable person who touched so many people's lives. He was the one person who encouraged you and believed in you when you didn't believe in yourself.

I can remember when I was training for my first marathon, I was so concerned about the cut off time. How much time did we have to complete the course? What was the cutoff time? How will I know if I made it? He would just shake his head and say, "Don't worry about it MD, you are going to be fine!" He knew how to keep calm when the rest of us were a nervous wreck. He would head out on training courses and race day courses and chalk messages to us in order to keep us going, keep us focused and to remind us "you are going to be fine!" Chalking the road ways was his signature move, for lack of a better word.

I bring this up today because sadly I never felt like I said a proper good-bye to my friend Brendan Jackson. On the day of his wake, ready to make the hour long ride to B'ville, my car wouldn't start. it was dead in my drive way. At that point, there wasn't anyone I could call to come get me, being such a distance away from everyone...at that moment I started to cry. I felt like so often Brendan had been there for us but I couldn't be there for him. As the weeks passed tributes were made at the annual Mountain Goat 10 miler in Syracuse, but I was out of town for work that weekend. There was a run held in his memory at the local Fleet Feet Store in Syracuse, but once again I was out of town.

Weeks went by and I still felt like I hadn't said my goodbyes. I had completed two races since Brendan's death, another marathon in Vermont and a Triathlon in Massachusetts. Throughout the races I could hear his voice cheering me on and I knew I had to do something.

In 2005 when we were training for the marathon Brendan would take us out to B'ville, NY to run on some hilly, low traffic roads. There were areas of Central NY I never knew existed until I trained with Brendan. One particular Sunday it was the hottest day of the summer. We started early in the AM but it didn't matter it was hot and humid. I remember when I was running I felt like my feet were on fire. We were running on roads named Whiskey Hollow (kind of a creepy road), Conners road... a great down hill...and West Dead Creek Road!! If anyone ever trained with Brendan you know the area! West Dead Creek Road became a joke with Brendan and me. It always brought back memories to that hot, awful run. I remember getting back to our cars, we would park in the DPW parking lot and looking at him and all I could say was "Seriously"...cuz it was soooo hot!!

Well today I made a trip to B'ville. I visited Whiskey Hollow, Conners Road and West Dead Creek Road. As I stood at the cross roads of West Dead Creek and Conners Road I started to cry but quickly those tears turned into a smile because it brought back so many wonderful memories. I thought about all the lives that Brendan touched and all the people I was able to meet because of Brendan. He is still with us, as we
cover the miles throughout Central New York. As we climb a hill during a training run or race, you can still hear his voice cheering you on. When you are doubting yourself he is the one pushing you from behind.


Today I said good bye...thanks for the wonderful memories...know you are missed Brendan...and until we meet again...you got this!