Having Faith and Trying to Believe!

It has been quite some time since I posted a blog. In fact that last time was May 27. I have actually started this particular blog back in June but never had time to finish. Between work, grad school and Ironman training, all being done full time, by the end of the day I am pretty tired and putting my thoughts down in this blog seems too overwhelming. Now don't get me wrong, I have a lot of thoughts and tons of emotions right now, so here is my attempt to share it all with you without writing a memoir the length of War and Peace.

I am currently taking a class about technology and education. I know it could be a very interesting subject but I am finding it hard to focus on that right now. I am going through the motions of doing the assignments but not getting much out of it. Throughout the last 7 months of Ironman Training I have worked very hard not to let school disrupt training and more importantly training disrupt school. For the most part it has worked out very well. Until this class, the last four weeks have been tough and stressful but I am making it work and I will survive.

I have been planning to write this blog entry for the last six weeks but as I shared between training, work, and classes I usually run out of time. However, with less than nine days to go I thought it was time to share my thoughts on the emotional and physical roller coaster we call Ironman Training. I promise I won't share every day just a few highlights.

If you look up the definition faith (nonreligious) it means to have complete trust or confidence in someone or something. A synonym of the word faith is belief or confidence. As I enter my second week of taper I keep telling myself I need to have faith...I need to be confident and most importantly believe. Doing all of this seems harder than the actual training.

Six weeks ago I took a Friday off and headed up to Lake Placid for a training weekend. Placid, like for so many others, is my happy place, my little piece of heaven. It is where Miracles happen and is magical. However, this weekend was going to be tough and I knew would be a true measuring stick as too how well my training was going and how much work I still needed to do. Day one was a 2.4 mile swim followed by a 25 mile bike. I was happy with how things started but then came day day 2.

Day two's schedule included 112 miles on the bike followed by a six mile run. I knew the course so I knew it wasn't going to be easy. However, I wasn't prepared for how much it was going to kick me in the ass. After the first loop I stood in the parking lot of our hotel and cried as I refueled. I didn't have much time to feel sorry for myself because I had another loop to go and it crushed me mentally. I came back, hot and tired but I still had 6 miles to run. My coach met me and ran the six with me. Oh how I did not want to run those miles. I headed out way to fast and continuously my coach yelled at me to slow down. By the time I hit the bridge, down by River Road, I asked if we could just run 5 miles. She smiled and said sure we can run five...but we are also going to run six! I am glad she was there to push me because I never would have done it...but I didn't like her very much at that moment, ha ha (she already knows this).

Day three, Sunday, a day of rest? Maybe in the bible but not in Placid! I had 20 miles on the bike and a seven mile run. During that time I had some thinking to do...how bad did I want this and what was I willing to do? I had seven weeks ahead of me and I needed to get it done.

Fast forward the next few weekends I had a few long 100+ mile rides...some runs...and more time in the water. Each week I felt like I was getting stronger and being more aware of what I needed to get the work done. Three weeks after that 112 miles in Lake Placid I was in Tupper Lake for the Tupper Lake Tinman, my third 70.3 distance race. I was nervous and they were calling for rain. Well we saw everything rain, wind, more rain, and then sun followed by heat. My coach sent me to the race with specific goals for each discipline. Much to my surprise or based on my hard work, I succeeded those goals and crossed the finish line in 7:40...almost 45 minutes faster than my last 70.3! I was shocked! Could this really be happening? Was I getting stronger? Could I eventually be an Ironman?

The last month has been training and more training. Last weekend a friend asked me if I had any plans for the weekend? I laughed and said yes, 112 miles of biking followed by some running and then more running on Sunday. This has been my life for months, but as I explained in a previous post, I have actually enjoyed the journey. Maybe not every minute, climbing up Sweet Road, but for the most part yes, I have enjoyed the journey.

Sweat, pain, and tears...so many tears. My friend Jill Walsh, an Ironman herself, and a two time silver medal paralympian, told me to be prepared for the emotions. That I would just start crying for no reason. Well Jill I can share with you, it has been happening. The other day I was on my way to work and I was crying in my car.

Several weeks ago the Ironman Corporation released the athlete bib numbers for the race on the 28th. Many people took that opportunity to post the number on their social media pages. I chose not to do it. I knew once I did it, this would all be real, and that scared me so much. However, with less than 9 days until the cannon goes off, its time to face it...it's real, there is no going back. So Above you will see my number...1121. The SHIT is getting real!!

I am blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who have supported me through this journey. Who have pushed me. They have believed when I have found it hard to do it. They have encouraged me when I didn't want to keep going. Even when they don't get it all, they have at least asked how I was doing. On Thursday I head back to my happy place to face the biggest goal I have ever set out for myself. There will be days, hours, minutes and seconds between now and then I will doubt myself. I will find it hard to believe...but I am trying! The real question is without faith and believing does any of this matter?? And yes, Jill Walsh I am crying right now!!