Iron levels, a ride, and some emotions

Earlier this week I went to a follow-up appointment regarding my iron levels. Two months ago I had two iron infusions due to the fact that my iron levels were extremely low. Happy to report my iron took a huge leap and I am doing well. I shared with the doctor that everyone was right, as soon as I started to feel better after the infusions, I finally realized how lousy I was feeling for so long. Who knew that how I was feeling wasn't normal!!

So this past weekend was my first ride outside since September. It was a beautiful, warm day. I was challenged with riding a strong 50 mile ride or 4 hours. I will admit I headed out on the road very nervous and without much confidence. The bike has always been my weakness of the three triathlon disciplines but I have tried really hard to push myself this winter while on the bike trainer for hours.

So off I went and I told myself to keep moving forward as best I could. The miles started to go by me and I kept pushing. The first two hours went by and I was over 25 miles...half way there. I continued to pedal up and down different roads and streets I have never been on before. During the ride many farmers were out on this warm spring day and I was able to enjoy the sweet smell of farm fields in spring (if you know what I mean). But I can't complain, no farms, no food ... and we can't have that. As I road past the fields I realized I was approaching 50 miles and look at that I finished the ride in 3:44!! 

I shared with my coach that this particular ride gave me a bit of a confidence boost. I had finished the 70.3 in September in 4 hours and 32 minutes. Now I realize the course I rode on Sunday is much different than the one I did in Lake Placid but on Sunday I was on track to finish in 4:14. I had set a goal of off the bike in 4:15 for the 70.3 I am doing in June. Seeing what I did on Sunday makes me wonder what I am capable of in the next 16 weeks. 

Sunday's ride also lifted my spirits a bit. I wasn't going to share any of this stuff cuz I figured my problems are microscopic compared to others but emotionally I have been struggling. Like I said I wasn't going to say anything until I saw a post with the quote to the right. I have shared this with a few of my friends and family and although that helps it doesn't fix everything.

If you don't know me well I will let you know that the scale defines who I am. The magical number that shows up on the box determines so much for me and lately I have been struggling as I watch the scale slowly creep up. Throughout February and March I would bounce back and forth within three pounds. In the past two weeks I have jumped another 3 pounds and I can't figure out why. Three pounds may not seem like much but add that to the other three and now you are up six. Plus I was trying to lose weight since before the new year and this has been a struggle.

My eating hasn't changed...if nothing else I have become more attuned to it. I write everything I eat down and I mean everything even if it is a cheat food. I weigh and measure everything I make for breakfast, lunch and dinner yet the scale still creeps up. 

I have been eliminating sugar from my diet, if it is in the first 5 ingredients then I don't eat it. Am I perfect no, but I am not out of control. Is it stress, am I eating enough, am I eating too much? It's hard when you are training for one of the biggest races of your life, recording hours of training and you need to fuel your body. Some days I feel really bloated and other days I feel like I haven't gotten enough to eat...I feel like I am running on a hamster wheel and I keep facing the same issues. 

I know there are more important things in the world but this is a real struggle for me. I have worked so hard and come too far to feel like I am sliding backwards. On the advice of a friend, who is a registered dietitian I have hid my scale deep in the back of a closet and try to focus on other things. This will be hard but the whole thing is frustrated. How do I stop...I don't want to go backwards...stay tuned.